Waiting, Grieving, and Promises

Well, I wish this was an exciting post announcing we had new news or a court date, but that is not that case. We wait, along with many other families, to hear news from the Ethiopian courts that we have a date. We had originally thought we might travel around Thanksgiving, and while that is not impossible, the longer the wait continues the more I wonder if that will be the case. We'll see....God knows and we're trusting that He's got it under control. (and when I begin to freak out, Nathan calmly reminds me of that fact....good thing we aren't both prone to freak-outs!)

I would be lying if I said this hasn't gotten difficult in the last week or so. I'm not exactly surprised that we don't have a court date, but I was hoping to be farther up the list by now. There are families still waiting for dates that have had their referrals since July. I've been praying for them, because that's a long time to know who your children are and not be able to go kiss their little faces.

During the wait, I've spent some time trying to process what this has been like for our children in Ethiopia. I won't go into the specifics of their story, because it's theirs to tell, but they've lost much. Think about it - they've lost parents, everyone else who loved them, their home, routine, language, and everything familiar. How does one recover from loss like that? It's caused me to grieve for their loss and try to anticipate what they'll need as they endure all of the change that's coming their way. It's not small. I am praying that God will give me a compassionate heart towards them and wisdom in my parenting....and I'm praying that He will be the Healer of their hearts and prepare them to accept the love we have to offer. I'm trusting He will.

These are the promises I cling to as I wait for them to come home....He loves my children even more perfectly than I do and wants good things for their lives....He knows the exact day and time that we will meet...and when they will come home. He has placed them in our family, and will give us the strength and grace for even the most difficult of days. Adoption is redemption and it is God's idea.....the same God who created heavens and earth is orchestrating our lives and making us family...

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"
Jeremiah 32:27

Sweet Spot

I guess you could say I've been a bit distracted lately....and neglected the blog. (helloooo....is anyone still out there?) We've had a lot of stuff going on since our referral - good stuff - but it's kept me from being very attentive to blogland.

I can hardly believe it's been a month since we received our referral and found out who our precious children are!! We are more and more certain everyday that these are our kids and can't wait to bring them home! Since I last posted, the courts in Ethiopia have opened back up and slowly begun issuing court dates to those families (like us) who are waiting on them. We are still pretty far down on our agency's list to receive a date, so we know it will be a little while before we know when we will travel to Ethiopia for the first time for our court date. We've had lots of people ask us when that will be, and believe me, we'd love to know! All we can do at this point is make a guess - and I'm guessing around Thanksgiving....always hoping for sooner, but trying to prepare ourselves in case it's later. God knows.

Until then, we are busy around here. We've made lots of progress on Emma's new room in the basement and will post pictures as soon as it's done - it's going to be so cute! Once she moves out, we can start to organize the little girls in the room she is currently in. (I can't wait, I've got piles of stuff to be organized in there, and I can't wait to get it all situated....I hate the mess!). S*l*m*n will be sharing with Elijah - and we've done nothing to organize for that yet...we'll get there.
We've begun to research vehicles, which is probably my least favorite part (it would help if the sales guy would ever call us back). I always hate to trade in vehicles, but it's not really optional this time, unless we are planning on strapping a couple of them to the luggage rack. :)

We are finding blessings in the place we are right now. Making the decision to bring our three new kids into our home has put us in a place of total dependence on God. We are depending on Him to provide all that we need....financially, emotionally, and logistically. This is so beyond us that there is no way to even pretend we've got it covered ourselves. Sometimes when we talk about all we need to do or about one more thing we need to pay for (usually costing in the thousands), I almost just have to laugh.

There is something very sweet about being in this place. The only choice we have is to sit back and watch God provide...and He is. We have not had an expense or payment yet that we've not been able to pay, and we've seen His hand in many ways. While it might be my natural inclination to worry about some of this, I can feel God's hand in it and it brings me such peace. (I do have my moments, but overall, He's been so good to me in this area). I love sitting in the sweet spot of watching my God work out all of the details in this crazy journey He's led us on. Imagine the blessings we would have missed had we not listened.

How are we going to do it?

I have written a couple of blog posts in my mind since we got our referral, but it's been a little crazy here and I've yet to sit down and write them out. Some of them have been reflective, and others more mundane, but I've found that the things people ask us the most are....how are you going to do it?? How are we going to 'do life' with 7 kids? My best response to that right now is to tell you to ask me next year when I've actually done it!! But here are some logistics we are working on....

We are blessed to live in a home that already has 5 bedrooms....so far no one is sharing a room. We are also blessed to have a little unfinished space in the basement that will fairly easily be finished into another bedroom. So - here are the bedroom plans (as we know them now!): The two little boys will share, the two little girls will take Emma's current room and share, Emma will move to the new bedroom in the basement, and Haley and Hayden will stay put. The crazy thing is, I'm not sure we are even going to feel crowded.

Our vehicle situation is a little up in the air. We had planned on waiting for a larger vehicle, but this is no longer an option. Our 7 passenger van will not allow me to take all of the kids for school drop off, activities, etc. We need to get a new vehicle by the time the new kiddos come home. Will you pray with us about this? We are trusting that this will work out, but it wasn't in our original plan (or budget). We are on the lookout for a good deal on a 12 passenger van that is in great shape!

And the rest, well....only by God's grace. He put this in our laps and we are trusting that he has it all worked out. We know he will be faithful to give us grace for each day and wisdom to parent all 7 of our children....we don't want even one to feel left behind.

It's a wonderful thing to sit in a place where you know you can only succeed with God's help. This is not about me, or we'd surely be in trouble. I have no doubt that I am not capable of any of this. But I know who is, and good thing he's in charge.

I am humbled beyond what I could describe in words that God sees fit to use little ole me as part of his plan to redeem these sweet children's lives. (and if he can use me, trust me, he can use anyone!)

To those of you who have been supportive or offered encouraging words, we are so thankful. To those of you who have prayed for us and for our kids, we are even more grateful. We need your support and prayers during this big time of change for our family. For those of you who would like to pray, here are some specific requests:

• For our children in Ethiopia. They have lost everything that is familiar (except each other). We pray that they will have a peace and understanding of the situation. We do not want them to feel confused or afraid. We pray that God will begin to prepare their hearts to receive the love we have for them and weave us together as a family.
• For our family here. Please pray that God will prepare us in every way for the changes that lie ahead...for our kids at home, and for Nathan and I as parents. Pray that God will continue to give us peace and also wisdom in our parenting.
  
• For provision. We have many expenses ahead of us...changes to the house, a new vehicle, not to mention two trips to Ethiopia and preparing to have three extra children in our home. We are done fundraising, simply because enough is enough...not really because the funds are all there. Please pray that God provides for every need we have....we know he will.
• For our travel. We will be traveling with 4 children the first trip, and bringing 3 home the second trip. We are praying that God will silence these children during the trip....oops...did I say that??:) Seriously, we are praying for good travelers and for those who will be sitting near us!!

THANKS FOR PRAYING!

IT'S A.....

BOY....and a GIRL.....and a GIRL!!!!!

Yes, WE RECEIVED OUR REFERRAL!!!! And yes, you counted correctly, our referral is for THREE precious children. Some of you probably remember that our original request was for two children, but God had other plans....and we are so glad.

On Wednesday of this week we received a phone call from our agency's program director asking us if we would consider a referral 'a little outside of our request'. We had previously communicated to her that it was difficult for us to ask for certain ages and genders, because we really just wanted what God had for our family and to be a family for children who needed one. We had communicated that we were somewhat open - although we never mentioned three children!! Anyway, she went on to tell us about three siblings they wanted to keep together and were looking for a placement for. She told us that as she prayed for these kids, our family's name came to mind and she wanted to give us the opportunity to review their files for our consideration. To say I was shocked would be an understatement!!! We got off the phone agreeing that Nathan and I would talk and pray about it, and I would call her the next day.

After much conversation, prayer, consulting our kids (who were ALL for it), and talking to our social worker, we agreed that we wanted to move forward and review the kids' files. So, we took the next step asking God for either road blocks or open doors according to what He knew was best for these kids and for our family. (So far, only open doors!) Our social worker agreed to approve us for three children (instead of two) and do the necessary paperwork. This is what we anticipated could potentially be the first road block, but far from it. She agreed, and then even phoned back later to tell me what sense she thought this placement made for our family. To say this was a surprise....well, another understatement!!

So, on Thursday, I phoned our agency and told them we were ready to see the file! I was excited, overwhelmed, nervous, humbled, grieving (for their loss), feeling both inadequate and blessed all at the same time. Their pictures came through email.....they are precious. We can't wait to be their parents!! The children are a 1 year old boy, and two girls, 4 and 5. Perfect for our family....a buddy for Elijah and the two girls will have each other. Only God.

I have to share with you one other little detail that was like a little gift to me in the midst of all of this. The night before we got the first phone call, I shared with my girls that I really liked the name S******.... Love the name for a little boy, has a Biblical reference...just like it. Well, when we received our referral, I opened up the file and this little boy has that very. same. name. (can't share names until after we pass court). I couldn't believe it....what are the chances?? It was like God whispering in my ear that He was in the details....and I know He is.

Please pray for our kids....they have lost much and endured more than I can imagine in the last few months. We would appreciate your prayers for their little hearts. We are humbled and amazed that God is using us to be their family. We know the road will be sometimes difficult, but also feel a great peace that these are our kids. Thanks be to God....for this indescribable gift!

AND THE WINNER IS.....

Jeanene Stephens!
Jeanene will receive a 16 GB iPad!!

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO HELPED IN ANY WAY:
selling or purchasing tickets, donating, or helping to get the word out!

Here are all of the tickets.......

And the moolah those tickets generated to help bring our kids home.....
$5750!!!!

Emma helping to mix the tickets before the drawing....



and Elijah eating the winner's ticket.....
(duh...don't they do this in ALL the raffles??)


CONGRATULATIONS, JEANENE!

THANKS EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!!

I Could Have Missed This

One year ago today, we met and fell in love with this sweet boy. I remember it as if it were yesterday, and yet I can't believe we've only had him a year. Time is crazy that way!

As we celebrate a year together, I have been reflecting on the past year and the events that led up to our adoption of Elijah. As I thought of the many things that had to fall into place before he became ours, I panicked as I had this realization: I could have missed it all.

I mean it - I really could have missed it. Nathan and I had talked about international adoption five years before starting the process with Elijah, and came to this conclusion: It was too expensive. It didn't seem to make sense for our family. And, after a little time, it seemed that Emma (our youngest) was getting too old for this to be a very good fit for us anyway. (I crack up at this now, because she was probably all of five!!)

So, we moved on...our kids all went to school....I went back to teaching...and we kind of forgot the whole thing. I mean, I was still stirred when I heard other people's adoption stories, and I always thought it was a great thing to do, but we had already decided it wasn't for us, right?

Well, fast forward to Spring 2008. I can't pinpoint one experience or idea that is alone responsible for the stirring in my heart, but suffice it to say that God would not leave me alone about the idea of adopting. It was everywhere I turned. I found myself teary at videos and stories, and ran into people everywhere who were in the midst of or who had adopted. And here's the biggie: As I turned to scripture to see what it had to say about orphans, the message was unmistakable:

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:5,6

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. "
James 1:27

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so it went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord. Jeremiah 22:16

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the orphan. Fight for the rights of widows." Isaiah 1:17

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."
James 1:22

As I continued to research the plight of the orphan, these statistics would not leave my mind:

• There are 147 MILLION orphans in the world.

• If you gathered all of these children together in one location, they would make up the world's eighth largest nation. Think of it, an entire nation of fatherless children.

• If you lined these children up shoulder to shoulder (1700 per mile), in one long line, that line of precious children would be long enough to circle the globe more than three times. (CAN YOU IMAGINE??)

• Here's the kicker: If only 7% of the 2 Billion Christians would adopt/care for a single orphan, there would essentially be no such thing as an orphan crisis.

Are you kidding me - 7% ??? To eliminate the orphan crisis? Doesn't it seem so simple, if the church would be the answer to caring for the orphan??

I recently also found a list of all of the reasons that adopting did not make sense for our family.....we didn't have the money, I had gone back to work, we wondered how this would affect our children, our kids were getting older, we wondered if we could afford another child, etc. The list of reasons that this just wasn't practical was long.

So, you see....I could have missed it. I could have missed out on being this sweet boy's mom and all of the blessings that come with it. It brings tears to my eyes just to think of it.

And then I think of those of you who may be wrestling with some of the same thoughts and fears that we did before we decided to 'take the plunge'. And I pray that if God is calling you to it, you won't miss it. You cannot fathom the blessing on the other side...the blessing of faith grown because you've depended on God for the strength to get thru the process, the money to pay for it, and His grace to weave your family together. The blessing of a life redeemed thru adoption, and the blessing of being the one He uses to play a part in that. The blessing of another child (or children) to call you mommy or daddy and find their security in your arms.

I'm grateful beyond what I could express that I didn't miss it, for the lessons He's taught me thru adoption, and for this sweet child of mine.

WARNING: Ramblings from an emotional mom...

So, things are changing around here....meaning, my kids are growing up. I guess things are always changing, but at times it seems more noticeable or visible than others. To start, our oldest (Haley, 14) was gone this week to CIY (Christ in Youth) conference. I was so glad that she had the opportunity to go, and am so grateful for the many volunteers that spent their week with 140 teenagers from our church who made the trip. As I dropped her off, I really couldn't believe I was there. Have you had those moments?...those moments where it hits you that your children really are THAT old and are growing up THAT quickly?? I looked around at the other kids going on the trip...yep, they were teenagers. They seemed so grown up. I glanced back at Haley ...yep, she was looking pretty grown up, too.

I remember when my children were little, older women would stop to talk to them and remind me of how quickly the time would pass, and how I should enjoy every moment. I believed them as much as I could, and I tried to soak in the moments. But, they were right. Time passes too quickly. I mean, I feel like I just dropped Haley off at her first day of pre-school, and now she is in high school. It's crazy to me. Four more years until 18...? Doesn't seem possible.

My other two 'big kids', Hayden and Emma, are going to middle school this year. We homeschooled last year, but all three big kids are returning to school. I am having mixed feelings about this, too. I really did enjoy having my kids home. I enjoy them as people and loved the conversations about all of the 'good stuff' we had...faith, life decisions, relationships, etc. I will treasure the year we spent together getting to know each other on a deeper level, and adjusting to our new family dynamics once Elijah was home. It was a special time and there is a part of me that wishes it hadn't been so short. This is the right decision for our family, but I'm just going to miss having them around.

I am beyond grateful for the four children God has blessed us with. I could not be prouder of who they are becoming...their faith, maturity, and responsibility. Being home with them this past year gave me a very real sense of who they are, and what they believe in. It also showed me that they know who they are, too. So, you see, my sadness has nothing to do with regret or worry...it has everything to do with how I love these kids and cherish my time with them. It's just going a little quickly for me.

And then there is Ethiopia....my heart skips a beat even at the thought. Somewhere in Ethiopia I have two more children...children I long to bring home. Children I think of every day and pray that they are safe and have all that they need. Children I know are most likely experiencing a difficult season in their life - one of loss, grief, and hardship. I pray that God will hold them close and comfort them through whatever difficulty is happening that will bring them into our family. Adoption always begins with a loss...that is a very difficult, but very real reality. I want them to know we are waiting for them, and that while we can't take away the hardship they've faced, we want to love them and give them a forever family.

Parenting is hard, isn't it? It's the greatest joy of my life, the thing that has taught me the most, and the hardest thing I've ever done. So far, I am finding the most difficult thing for me is letting go. Of course not ever completely, but releasing just enough at just the right times so that they have that balance of achieving independence all while knowing you are still there. I sometimes have to fight to let go just the right amount and not hold on too tightly.

I am grateful for a God who loves these children more perfectly than I ever could. I am trusting Him as they navigate new schools, make new friends, and take the next step in growing up. I am grateful that I can trust Him with my kids half way around the world, and know He is working on their behalf to bring them home...just as He did with Elijah. I am grateful that He is there even when I cannot be. I am thankful that they are His children first...and filled with gratitude that He saw fit to make me their mom.

Will you say YES....?

I found this video on a friend's blog, and had to repost....will YOU say YES...?

We like progress!!

Well, this was a week of adoption progress, and that certainly felt good!
We were able to send our dossier to our family coordinator at AWAA to be approved last week! She reviews dossiers on Monday, so we overnighted it on Thursday to be sure it would be there on Friday, in time to be reviewed on Monday. We are hoping that everything will look fine, and it will be authenticated and then sent on to Ethiopia! It feels great to have those papers outta here, and exciting to know that after approval, it will be in Ethiopian hands!

I spoke with our agency this past week regarding our request as well. I had some questions about placement of children, and all that goes into that consideration. We are requesting two children between the ages of 0-5 (or 6?)....either siblings or unrelated children. They will most likely both be older than Elijah. We have discussed whether or not it matters to us if the children are related, and decided to leave that decision up to God (He already knows who our children are anyway!). If we adopted them at different times they would be unrelated, and have different stories, and we would be dealing with those things anyway. The only difference here is that they are coming home at the same time. So, we remain open and are excited to see what our referral will bring! We are also leaving genders open as well (although it would be very neat and tidy if we got one girl and one boy...we would have the bedroom thing all figured out....so I'm pretty sure that's not what we're getting! LOL).

We do not know how long to expect for a referral. We were told that there have been other families who have come along and said they would like two children, and are also open to unrelated children, so we should expect to wait longer than maybe we originally thought for a referral of this kind. So....six months....longer...? We just don't know. Our family coordinator gave us the standby advice of "expect the wait to be longer, and then be surprised if it's sooner". I think it would be awesome to have a referral by Christmas, but we'll see. I don't want to get my hopes set on any kind of time line. (BTW - this wait time is not because there are not many children that need families, but because our agency only works with a certain number of orphanages and there is MUCH to do to get a child paper ready before referral....there are also many times complications with paperwork or details to be filled in before they are ready to be adopted).

It feels good to move on in the process...and to not be getting things signed, notarized, certified, and copied. Now, we just wait, but I'm not sure which is harder - the working or the waiting!

Thank you for your prayers for our family, and for our precious children still in Africa. Please pray for them - that their needs will be met, their bellies full, their health good, and that God will send someone to comfort their hearts in what is most likely a very difficult time for them, whatever their story is. We'd appreciate it!

I Wanna Get Back There....

I found myself this evening reading thru a couple of new blogs. It just so happens that these bloggers are relatively new to the adoption world and SO excited and ON FIRE about what they are doing....you can hear the passion in their voice and the purpose in their calling. It has caused me to reflect a little bit about where I am, and how I long to remember the purpose and passion with which I began this journey.

Just for clarification sake, let me just tell you that I have not lost my passion for adoption, or the cause of the orphan. I also still know this is part of my purpose, and am not questioning that.....but maybe the purpose and passion have been a bit taken for granted lately....or maybe muddled in with some of the other emotions I've been feeling.

As we enter the final stage of finishing our dossier (waiting on ONE. MORE. PAPER.), I find myself wondering about what our referral will look like and how these children will fit into our family. I have probably read more than I should about RAD, adjustments of older children, and difficult adoption stories. This has all been in the interest of trying to become 'prepared'. However, I have found that in my efforts to be prepared, I've lost my focus. I've taken my eyes from where they should be - on God and His calling for our lives - and put them on myself.

It's not wrong to be prepared - it's good. It's not wrong to think through what is best for your family, and how it will affect everyone involved. However, I have found, at least for myself, there is a bit of a danger there. It's tempting for me to listen to other's opinions and forget that God's is the only one that matters. It's easy for me to get wrapped up in my own fears and worry about things that aren't happening, and may or may not ever happen. It's easy for me to think about my own desires and make this all about me.

I wanna get back there....back to that place I was when I first discovered God's heart for the orphan....back to the place where my focus was on Him and what He was asking of our family....back to the place where my faith assured me that even if hard things came, He would see me through. I don't think I've really left that place, but I do think that I've kept my eyes on my own fears long enough that it temporarily diminished the passion. So, I'm workin' my way back. I'm going to take my eyes off of myself, and focus on who God is and His promises....because I know when I do, things always seem clearer.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

My Emma

In June we celebrated Emma's 11th birthday!! I can hardly believe she is 11 already (don't we always say that??), but we are so proud of the young lady she is becoming!

Emma is the youngest of our three 'big kids' and is the life of our home. She is outgoing and fun, and has a heart of gold. This is the girl that has a heart for anybody or any animal she thinks needs help or feels sad. We have saved many an animal from our basement windows, and helped an injured bird in our backyard by taking it to the local vet med school. She loves animals and thinks she wants to be a veterinarian someday. Emma has a kind heart for kids, too. When we sat the kids down to talk to them about our second adoption and the possibility of adopting two children this time, she was ALL for it. When I asked her how many children we should adopt, she said, "MOM! There are 147 MILLION orphans!" (as if, silly question - she thinks we should adopt many). This is also the same girl who came to us during the week Nathan and I were making a final decision about our first adoption (she did NOT know we were having this conversation at all) and told us that she really wanted to help take care of kids in Africa and thought she might be a missionary in an orphanage someday. She has a huge heart and we love that about her.

Emma is in a local chidren's choir and loves to sing. She also plays piano and is interested in drama. Between rehearsals and practicing, and trying to take care of the world, she keeps busy. :) We love her zest for life and the energy she brings to our home. We are so proud of her, and count her among our greatest blessings!

Referralversary, DCFS and Passports...

It's been one year since we saw this face....

One year ago we received our referral call for Elijah and saw his precious face for this first time....I know I'm a little biased, but is this not the cutest referral picture you've ever seen...?!

I remember that I had picked Hayden up from basketball camp, fed my kids' lunch, and we were on our way to do some volunteer work when my phone rang. I had prepared myself that our 'call' would not come until August, so I was surprised when I saw the 703 area code on my caller ID. It was Terra, our family coordinator, calling with our referral!! I could hardly think I was so surprised as I fumbled my way to the computer, and we tried to conference call Nathan into the call. We couldn't get ahold of him, so she emailed the pictures and gave us his information. Nathan looked from work and we looked from home.....I couldn't believe that the day had come or how beautiful he was! What a blessing! Happy Referralversary, Elijah!!

In other news, our homestudy was approved by DCFS this week!! This is GREAT news! We've sent our homestudy on to the next step at USCIS (immigration). There was some confusion in the midst of changes at USCIS as to where to send it to, so I'm crossing my fingers that we got it right. Now we use this time to finish our dossier documents and wait for our I171-H. When all those things are in place, our paperwork can go to Ethiopia and we can be placed on the waiting list!! No telling how long all that will take, but we are hoping for the inside of 6 weeks. (!!)

Our kids' passports also came in the mail this week....the big 3 anyway. They requested one more document in order to process Elijah's passport, but it didn't sound like a big deal. We are planning on taking all of our kids on our first trip to Ethiopia, and that won't be for a while, so we have some time to spare on that.

All of this = progress. And progress is a good thing!

What a difference a day makes!

So, yesterday I posted and shared that things were kind of at a standstill with our homestudy approval and we had not received an adoption grant we had applied for. I was more bummed than I probably really should have been, but it was discouraging. (both for DCFS to delay our homestudy approval and to not receive the grant). Last night I felt myself feeling disappointed and telling God that I really just needed to see Him in all of this. If this is where He was leading, I would follow, but I needed to somehow see Him in the midst of the process, and help me to know this adoption was in fact His idea. I was not praying for Him to reverse anything that had happened, (nor did I expect that) I just needed a little glimmer of hope and some reassurance that we were where He wanted us.

Well, today He all but undid all that happened yesterday!! First, I received an email from our social worker this morning that they had received word that DCFS would be approving homestudies from our agency and that our homestudy should be processed soon!! Yay! Hopefully we will get our approval in the next week or so and can move on to ....well, more waiting, but this time for USCIS to approve our homestudy and send us our I171-H.

Then, this afternoon, Lifesong for Orphans called and said that they do have grant money for us after all!! Totally unexpected! At first I thought they had made a mistake because of the call we had received the day before. Apparently, they had an unexpected donor and were able to offer us a grant! We are SO grateful!!

It's amazing the difference a day makes...and even more amazing that I have a God who shows up when I need Him to. Who cares about the desires of my heart, but more importantly cares about the fatherless and will rise up on their behalf. I am in awe and humbled to watch Him work.

Thank you for those of you who have offered encouragement when the road gets tough, and pray on behalf of our family and our children in Ethiopia. We will never be able to thank you enough.

I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart;

I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.

I will be filled with joy because of you.

I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1,2

Homestudy Approval and Grants....or lack there of

Well, not a whole lot new on the adoption front.....we are STILL waiting on Illinois DCFS to approve our homestudy....they've had it since April 13. We live in one of the only states (if not THE only state) which requires DCFS to look over an international adoptive family's homestudy and approve it before it can go on to USCIS (immigration). DCFS informed our agency this week that they will not be approving our homestudy until their (the agency's) license is successfully renewed in July. AHHHH!! Frustrating to say the least.....we had really anticipated having this approval by mid May. There is no anticipated problem with our agency's license, which adds to the frustration. So, we are just hoping that this agency license will be granted quickly and our homestudy will be approved shortly after that.

In other news, we were disappointed to find out we will not be receiving a grant from Lifesong for Orphans. We had kind of hoped that because we are adopting 2 children and they were children number 5 and 6 for us, that we might be chosen for a matching grant. Bummer for us.
So, we trudge onward with our fundraising.....and hope that our family and friends don't get sick of us. :)

We do have an exciting raffle coming soon.....check back for details!!

No Judgement Attached....

This is another hard, but honest, post. I was told this week by someone I love that Nathan and I and our choices may be making others feel inferior. While this was presented graciously, it cut to the quick. You see, the very last thing I want others to see or feel in our journey is that we think we are superior or are judgemental of anyone else and their journeys.

The idea came from my last post and my reflecting on my own selfishness and struggle to embrace a life that would require me to give up some things in order to adopt two children. It was gently pointed out to me that if I am reflecting on these things, others may relate to my thoughts on myself and apply them to themselves. For example, if we are choosing to adopt children and forgo some of our dining out or vacations, then what about others who make the choice to do these things (eat out, vacation, etc.) and don't adopt children?

I want to be clear about something and I hope you will hear my heart on this: We are not concerned with what others are or are not doing. We hope that you (or anyone else) will never look at our lives and think we think 'we are so good' or that others are inferior. Boy, that was hard to even write. We have been blessed (and challenged) to be put on this path of adoption, but we are not better than anyone because we are on it. This is God's doing and not our own. My flaws are many - too many to list - and I am just grateful that God will still use me despite of them.

We know that we are on the path that God has for our family - we are in agreement and we have peace about it. I will be honest though - this is hard. It's hard to think that other's might feel negatively about what we are doing. It's hard to choose something for your family that is 'out of the norm'. It's hard to feel like others might judge you about the decisions you are making. It's hard to think about making sacrifices.


Here's the truth - I am responsible for doing what I know God is asking me to do, and I hope that I will do it with grace so that others never feel in some way condemned or judged by me in the process. You are responsible for your own journey.
I was reminded of this passage of scripture earlier this week by a good friend (unrelated to the conversation I mentioned above, but very appropriate):

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"

"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

Again Jesus said, "Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?"

He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

The third time he said to him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?"

He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old someone will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."

Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God.

Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them......

When Peter saw him, he asked,
"Lord, what about him?"

Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?

You must follow me."

John 21:15-22

You see, Jesus wanted Peter to worry about his own journey....not John's or anyone else's. The same is true for me - He wants me to worry about my journey. Yours is between you and Him.

Nathan and I will make decisions for our family, and yes, advocate for orphans....it is our heart.

But we do so with no judgement attached. Each one can read, pray, and decide for themselves what God has for them. They certainly don't need me in my own imperfection to do it for them.

Wrestling

Lately I've been wrestling a bit with God....not because we disagree (how can you disagree with God??:), but because I am trying to make sense of things. Over the past week or so, Nathan and I have been in prayer and discussion about our 'request' for a child in our second adoption. (BTW - I completely and totally hate to refer to it as a request...we are not shopping for a child, but we are trying to discern what direction God wants us to go). Let me explain.....

When we started our homestudy this time around, we agreed to ask for an approval that was wide open. So, we got approved for 1-2 children instead of just 1. At the time we completely felt like it was a wise thing to do because you just never know in international adoption, and if our referral showed up with a sibling or something, we wanted to be prepared. We (I) really didn't have any intention of bringing two children home.

Fast forward to the past week or so and I can tell you we are in a completely different place with this. Apparently, after having some discussion, Nathan was under the impression that we were open to two children once we submitted our homestudy that way. I just thought we were being open just in case. When I found out this is what Nathan was open to, I was a bit taken a back. My initial reaction was to feel overwhelmed.....six kids?? Am I on candid camera? You must be kidding me.

So, for the next several days, I prayed - a lot. And I proceeded to tell God all of the reasons that this doesn't make sense and that I wasn't sure I wanted to be the "crazy adoption lady" with six kids. I mean, those people are weird, right??

So, in the interest of transparency, I will share with you some of my really super-duper great reasons for not adopting two more for a total of six: (don't judge me....I'm just being honest!)

• Like I said, I don't want to be the weird adoption lady. I mean, I think I'm pretty normal. :))
• How will we afford the additional adoption expenses (since we don't really know how we are affording them for one!)
• Grocery bills for a family of eight.
• I want to be able to go on vacation once in a while.
• I like to eat out.
• Do these kids expect to go to college??
• No one will ever invite us over for dinner again.
• WHAT WILL WE DRIVE?
• Will I have to give up my own involvement in ministries I love in order to parent these children well?
• Will I have time to be myself when so many others need me?
• And again....How will we afford all of this and what will we drive?? :)

Super-duper great reasons, right?

None of these reasons seems good enough to allow a child to stay in an orphanage and wait for a family.....so I can go on vacation? so I can eat out? because I may have to give a few things up? I'm pretty sure God does not want me to leave a child behind because they don't fit in my van.

Let me tell you, I have wrestled with these things. Not because I don't want two more and not because I don't want six kids....I actually do. I am actually humbled that our God would entrust me with six precious lives. I am in awe of that.

But, I am selfish. I like to be in control. I never imagined this is what my life would look like. I never thought we would be a family of eight. I don't want to give things up - new clothes, meals out, taking trips, entertainment, and other pleasurable activies. And, I'll be honest - I may have to give some of it up to do adopt one, let alone two. Why do I say that I know this life is not about me, and then live it as if it is?

So, I have prayed. I have talked to other adoptive moms. And I have examined God's heart. I cannot claim to know exactly what God has for us, but I will tell you that God has placed a genuine excitement in me at the thought of adopting two. No, not an emotional response, but a feeling that my heart is in line with His. So, we will move forward with our adoption and wait with anticipation to see His plan unfold. Because here is what I know for sure....our first adoption didn't make any sense (from the world's perspective). Our kids were bigger, I was still teaching, and we really couldn't afford it (so we thought). But through it God was faithful, He provided what we needed and He brought us our sweet Elijah. What if I had missed it.....? What if I had missed it because of my fears and selfishness??

I hear Him whispering....."Do you trust me? do you really trust me? This is not too big for me."

Of course it isn't - I do trust Him and I am excited about this journey He has us on.....one thing I've learned so far - His ways and His plans are always better..... so bring it on!

Haley Morgan

On Monday (April 26) we celebrated Haley's 14th birthday! My mind cannot comprehend that 14 years have gone so quickly and we feel so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter!

Haley is our oldest child and much like her dad in many ways....she looks like him, and sometimes even acts like him. :) (when she is ornery or has a dry sense of humor!) She is probably the most reserved of our children, but what she has to say is worth listening to. She is mature and wise for her years and I would venture to say more responsible than any other 14 year old you could find. We try to make an effort not to take advantage of her because you can entrust her with much, but I have to admit it's sometimes tempting!

Her talents are many....she is a bright girl and school comes easily. She is creative and loves to bake (actually wants to sell cupcakes as a fundraiser for our adoption!), cook, make cards, and do crafts. She is a pianist and also takes tennis, both of which she enjoys.

What I have always admired most about Haley is that she is who she is. She is fine to be with a group of people, and fine to be by herself. She is not easily swayed by others and is true to herself. She makes good decisions and doesn't change for those around her. (I am thinking this is going to be a great teenage skill!) Haley knows who she is and what she believes, and while she may not be overly vocal about it, her actions speak louder than words.

Happy Birthday, Haley! We love you!

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME

Has it really been 2 1/2 weeks since I last posted?? Where does the time go? (well, I could give you a list, but it wouldn't be all that exciting or probably even a lot different from your list....so, I'll skip it and assume you can relate!)

I have formulated a post in my mind several times...or at least thought about writing it, but I never get around to it. Yes, part of it is time, but part of the reason why is because I'm not quite sure how transparent I want to be...

There is no better way to learn many of life's lessons than to experience the journey of adoption. I have wrestled with not having control over the situations and timing and all of the unknowns. I love a plan, love to know how things are going to play out, and am not the greatest 'waiter' you've ever met. I like to get things done, and do not love sitting around waiting for things to happen. Well, guess what? Adoption requires much of all of that!

But there is another area of struggle....another area not quite so easy to admit. It's ugly and the very nature of this struggle urges me to keep it quiet and pretend it doesn't exist. Wonder what I'm reffering to? PRIDE. Why is that so difficult to admit? Because my pride wants me to smooth it over and act as if I have it all together....

I have always been an independent person....and when I'm not, well, I usually pretend to be anyway. I'm not pretending on purpose, as if to 'lie' to people. I just have always felt like I needed to be self sufficient and do for myself. I'm the 'helper', not the 'helpee'. The role I am comfortable in is taking care of myself and my family, helping others when I can, and being the doer. I am uncomfortable having others do for me or give to me. From as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be independent. I fought against my parents for independence from a young age, and now that I'm older I have no idea why. I certainly didn't have a family situation where that was necessary - it was just the way I was wired, I guess.

Well, here's the hard part. We can't do this adoption thing alone. We are going to have to have help. We are holding fundraisers, applying for grants, and will most likely send a letter to family and friends asking them to partner with us in this adoption. We did all this the first time, and I swallowed my pride and did it because it was necessary and it wasn't for me - it was to bring our child home.

So, here we are, in the same situation, with the desire to adopt, and unable to finance the entire thing ourselves. We've already asked for help once.....really, God, do we need to do it again? I mean, didn't I learn my lesson by doing this once? Isn't that enough?? Surely, there's another answer this time. The independent (aka proud) part of me wants to run from this....I don't want to ask people to come to one more event, buy one more thing, or give one more donation. I just want it to be done.

But, here's the thing: IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. Apparently, I didn't learn this as completely as I thought I did. I want to have learned it well, but still I struggle. My husband seems to have such a good grasp on this. He does not wrestle with 'what other people will think'. (Really, it's true....remarkable, really.) He gets that this isn't about us and does not hesitate to ask people to partner with us. In fact, here's what he has to say about this issue:
(taken directly from his Facebook - commenting on adoption and the expense)
The way I see it is, I was bought at a price, we were all bought at a price, even though we were/are undeserving. It may/will cost us all something in terms of time, money, having to humble ourselves to ask for money, but it will all be worth it.
Store up your treasures in heaven and when/if you have to ask others for help consider it a chance to allow them to do what they should do/be doing anyway. When we ask and give others the opportunity to do something to help us bring our children home we are giving them a chance to care for the least of these and to take care of orphans. When we answer his call sometimes we pay a price. We will all be dead in 40-50 years but the inconviences that we go through now will have Godly repurcussions for many generations.
I look forward to all of our children coming home to our families and I also look forward to other people doing what we have done when we have led and shown them a good example. Despite the hardships we face, we will be blessed and our children will be blessed. God will not turn his face from us.
(Don't you love him??)

So, I continue this journey, remembering that God has called us to it and it's about what He wants to do through us and the child He wants to bring into our family. I get emotional thinking that He might bless me with yet another child and am beyond grateful for that. Teach me, Lord, what you want me to learn. Even when it's hard.

How Goes It?

Our adoption process is coming along (I guess?) as we expected. Since our hard news in February about not being able to proceed with the adoption of a certain little girl, it has slowed a bit....or at least it feels like it. Our agency has told us that we should expect to wait until August (once we've been home with Elijah for a year) to submit our dossier. We may ask for an exception, but we aren't expecting it to be granted. I guess we're not really in a hurry for anything, anyway.

We are patiently(?) waiting to receive our appointment from immigration to go to Indy and have our fingerprints taken. We have had all of our homestudy appointments and are waiting for the homestudy to be completed. In the meantime, we are slowly working on compiling the many documents that will be included in our dossier. I would say we are about half done with that. I have to say, I am much more relaxed this second time around and I guess it alleviates some stress knowing that we can't really do much until August anyway.

When August comes, our paperwork will be sent to Ethiopia and we will be officially put on the wait list. We are prayerfully considering what our specific request in terms of age range will be. By the time we receive a referral, Elijah will be 2. Our agency has a rule about wanting the referred child to have at least a 12 month age difference from the children already in your home. That leaves us with the choices of 0-12 months and any child above 3 years old. We do not have a gender preference, so we will probably leave it open and ask for a referral of a child 0-12 months or 3-5 years. We know this probably means receiving a referral for an older child, but we are kind of excited about that. We want to leave it in God's hands and be open to whatever He has for us.

We do not know what our wait time for a referral will be once our dossier is sent in August....infant boy referrals are currently at a wait time of 4-6 months and toddler referrals are somewhat unpredictable. Our family coordinator told us to expect about the same time frame as an infant referral and know that there is a possibility it could be sooner. So, who knows?

I guess there really isn't much information in all of this, but that's where we are....waiting to wait. We are plenty busy around here, so I'm sure it will go quickly!

Happy Birthday to my Biggest Boy!

My biggest boy is having a birthday! Hayden turns 13 on Friday - hard to believe! He is such a blessing to us and we are so proud of him.

Many people who know us now don't realize that he had a bit of a rocky start 13 years ago. Hayden was born at a whopping 2 lbs. 10 oz. and was 10 weeks early. He was a twin, and his identical twin, Nathanael, passed away before birth. It was a crazy time of having an 11 month old at home (yes, you read that right - Haley was not quite 11 months old when they were born), celebrating that Hayden had been born, being worried for his health and future, and grieving for Nathanael. I had no idea what to feel at any given moment. Hayden stayed in the NICU for 37 days and had what would be considered a pretty uneventful hospital stay. (I would NOT have said that at the time, but the Drs. who deal with it every day did!) He came home at 4 lbs. 4 oz. on April 26, Haley's first birthday.

Since a young age, Hayden has always been a tender-hearted, caring boy. He loved to pray even as a little guy, and I have always felt like God spared His life because He has a plan for him. When he was about five, he would evangelize the kids in the neighborhood, and tell them the story of Jesus. One day I looked over as he was shaking a little playmate by the shoulders and saying, "Do you believe, Max, do you believe?" Sweet boy just wanted everyone to know Jesus.

This boy loves all things basketball - loves to play, loves to watch, loves to talk about it, and knows more statistics than I can wrap my brain around. If he could remember to put away his clean clothes like he could remember b-ball stats, we'd be in business! He is in heaven during March Madness, although disappointed that his Illini didn't make it in the NCAA this year. :( Basketball is definitely his favorite, but he will watch any team, any sport, anytime.

We are proud of the young man Hayden is becoming. He's responsible, funny, hard working, and smart. He maintains that sweet spirit he had as a young boy.....this year his #1 request for a birthday present was to donate money towards an organization that will help someone learn how to teach the Bible. He told me it was because he knew that the most important thing someone could do in their life was accept Jesus as their Savior.

I love this kid - Happy Birthday, Hayden!!

Agency Update

We had a conference call with our agency, America World, today. We were able to get a bit more information about what is going on. It doesn't necessarily answer all of our questions about how this will all work out, but it was good to hear.

First, let me start by saying I love our agency. They do such a good job in giving good information, but only what they know is true. There is no speculating or emotional response with them.....which is so important since most of us are plenty emotional without their help! :) They are encouraging and tell us often that they are praying for each one of us - I couldn't recommend them more.

In a nutshell, here is what we learned:
Both parents are now required to travel for their children's court date. The biggest reason for this change is that sometimes parents were traveling to Ethiopia (after they'd passed court) and finding their child to be different than what they expected....more medical issues, developmental delays, etc. Apparently, some families chose to leave that child behind and come home without them. Here is the big problem: Ethiopian adoption is a fully irrevocable process. That means, in their country, there is no undoing it, which is really bad for these kids left behind. They are now stuck without hope of ever being matched with a new family. So, now we will travel to Ethiopia a few days before our court date and spend time with our child. Then, we will go to court to testify of our desire to adopt our child(ren). Honestly, it makes sense. I remember when our agency went to court for Elijah (on our behalf), it did feel a little weird that this child we had never seen or held was now legally ours by his country. I wasn't having doubts, but the process of that felt a little strange.

So, we will travel anywhere from 2-8 weeks after our referral to meet our child, go to court and then return home. (BOO for this part!!) We then wait for the Embassy to do the paperwork and investigating they need to do and will return to ET 8-12 weeks after our court date to bring our child home.....could be a little sooner. No one knows how this process will change over the coming months (it probably will!), but this is the current plan.....not that there is ever a consistent plan with international adoption....the only consistent thing about the whole thing is change!

Leaving on a Jet Plane.......twice!

Ethiopian adoption is definitely experiencing some changes....we were informed of the biggest one so far today by our agency. Now, when you adopt from ET, you must make TWO trips to Ethiopia in order to do so. I am unsure of the reason for the change, but we have a conference call with our agency tomorrow and I'm sure we'll learn more. Some have wondered if it is an effort to combat any suspicion of corruption in Ethiopian adoption, and others say it is because some families have passed court and then never traveled to bring their children home. (HUH??? People DO that??) In any case, it doesn't matter why.....it is what it is.

Honestly, if we didn't have 4 other kids (one of them being a very young child who was adopted himself), and money were no object, I wouldn't really mind going twice. I enjoyed the travel and the time in Ethiopia. However, life has obligations and we (unfortunately) have financial limitations, so the two trip rule is a bit of a bummer. We are very fortunate, though, to have very helpful grandparents nearby (did you hear that, Mom??:) who I am sure will step into help us with the kids when it's time, and we know that God will somehow provide what we need.
It's funny, I had really fought against the idea of sending a letter to family and friends letting them know about financial need this time......well, guess what? I am going to have to take a very big gulp of my own pride and probably do it anyway! (gulp)

My biggest fear with the two trip deal is that it will sway people from adopting from Ethiopia.....and that is the real tragedy. After seeing the country and it's kids, I am sad to think of the families who will choose to go another route because it's easier. It's certainly not right or wrong to adopt from any certain country (they all need homes!), but I am heartbroken to think of children who will stay in orphanages in Ethiopia because the process just got a little harder.

I am SO thankful that I have the benefit of knowing how worth it it all is! I was talking with another adoptive friend this afternoon and we both agreed - we would go to Ethiopia five, or even ten times, if it meant bringing our children home! They are worth it!

Daddy Daughter Dance

Well, the fund raising for our second adoption has begun and we are excited to offer this event we think many families will enjoy! We are hosting a Daddy Daughter Dance 0n April 24. It will held in the youth building (Oasis) at our church, First Christian.
Tickets are available for a minimum donation of $25 per daddy/daughter couple and $5 for each additional daughter. The night will include cupcakes, nail painting, photos, dancing, door prizes, and a Princess Boutique where we will sell tiaras, tutus, ribbon halos, and fairy wands. (Items b/t $3-10) They are darling! Details can be found in the image above.You will also see that a local boutique has been very generous and offered to give the proceeds of fancy dresses sold for this event towards our adoption fund - aren't they cute!?! They are only $59 and would be great for Easter, too! If you would like to purchase tickets, please contact me directly or use the donate button below, indicate who you are purchasing tickets for, and I'll be glad to get them to you. Donations from those who cannot attend are, of course, welcome. Thanks for your support!

Feeling Grateful

Elijah at referral - 5 months old

Today I'm feeling grateful that this little one was given to our family. In light of our 'loss' this week - or I guess, change of plans - it has struck me how if one thing had been different, Elijah may not have been referred to us. If his birth family had not let him go....if he had not been found....if he had not been taken to Kid's Care (one of the best orphanages in Addis and one with a relationship with our adoption agency).....if America World had not gotten the referral for him....and then passed it on to us. I am humbled and grateful that God saw fit to make all of these pieces fall into place at just the right time to bring us this boy. What an incredible gift we've been given and what an amazing God to give it.

I read on another mom's blog, who is in Ethiopia picking up her FOUR children, that she had the opportunity to visit with Aster, the director of Kid's Care this week. Aster expressed her sadness over the recent news stories that have cast Ethiopian adoption in a negative light. Most children who are abandoned are now being taken to government-run orphanages, which is not exactly the best chance for them to be matched with a family. Please pray for these sweet children. With different timing, this would have been our Elijah. I shudder to think of it.

While sad about our news this week, we are hopeful for our 'next Elijah', as a friend put it. And, it leaves us feeling grateful for what we've already been given!

Just For DADS.....

I went to an adoption conference last week and my favorite part was listening to a couple of dads answer questions and share their hearts for adoption. They were just normal everyday kind of guys - and I think that's what made their message so appealing.

Well, due to popular request, one of them has made a video sharing his thoughts on adoption....his fears and questions when he started...and how those have been put to rest.

DADS: Take five minutes of your time and listen to what this guy has to say.....definitely something to think about!

Disappointment and Trusting

We got some hard news today. I can't divulge all the details, but Nathan and I had been looking into pursuing the adoption of a certain little girl through our agency. We got the news today that this sweet girl is not adoptable at this point. We are so disappointed. We are selfishly disappointed for ourselves, because we were hoping to have her as part of our family; however, we are far more disappointed for her. We are hoping and praying that her circumstances will change and she will be matched with a forever family someday.

As for us, we will continue working on our paperwork and home study. We will plan to submit our dossier (code word for everything you never wanted to know about our life) in August when we've been home with Elijah for a year. We are leaving our approval and request for a child wide open at this point until we pray about what exactly that should be. We are open to whatever God thinks best for our family. (Did I just write that???:) Please pray with us that we will be able to discern where He's leading.

We are trusting that God has a plan - both for us and for this little girl. It's hard to make sense of things when they happen this way, but we know He knows best. He brought us the right child when He blessed us with Elijah, and we feel confident He will do it again.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Adoption Ethics

So, yesterday CBS had a negative story on about Ethiopian adoption. I would love to tell you that my commentary on the piece is going to be objective, but it's not. Stuff like this makes me so angry and the piece was so incomplete, you could hardly say it was unbiased itself. The story accused Ethiopia of child trafficking and unethical adoption. Before I go on, let me say this loud and clear: I am not defending any sort of unethical or immoral behavior in adoption, nor am I denying that it ever occurs. Adoption is no different than anything else - where people are involved, there are bound to be mistakes and sin and the process is bound to be imperfect. Fraud happens in adoption everywhere and I cannot say that it has never happened in Ethiopian adoption, so that is not my point.

This 'news' story highlights a family that has been in the news before with their story about their Ethiopian adoption of 3 older girls. The girls' mother had passed away, but the father was still alive and well. The problem is, the girls have said that their father was paid to give them up and that the girls thought they were coming to America for an education. Apparently, they thought they were returning to Ethiopia when the adoption was complete. So, CBS used this story to raise questions about Ethiopian adoption in general and imply that the entire system is full of corruption and adoption of children who "are not orphans." Let me also say that this post is not a commentary on whether or not this story is true or really happened. I am using it as a spring board to share my thoughts on some questions and concerns the piece raises. If you'd like to watch the whole story, go HERE.

There are a couple of points I'd like to make about this story and about adoption in general.

1. This story implies that "these are not children sitting around in orphanages." REALLY?? How can one even claim that? I have been there and seen them myself. They most certainly are children without homes and families to take care of them. They are sitting in orphanages and they ARE waiting for families. The idea that someone is paying someone - especially for older children who are hard to place - to make money from an adoption is crazy. There are skads of children sitting in orphanages waiting for homes already....there is no need to come up with children to meet the demand. It's ludicrous.

2. Ethiopian adoption is not big business. Last year, in 2009, there were 2277 Ethiopian adoptions in the US. There are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia. MOST children in need of a home in Ethiopia will not get one. Adoption is a blessing to those whose lives it touches, but it is a dream that will not happen for most of these children.

3. Another point made here, and one I've seen made elsewhere is that "these children are not really orphans." I suppose, in some cases, that depends on how you define orphan. If you mean that both of their parents are dead, then maybe some of them aren't. But if you mean that these children do not have families, a place to belong, or adults to take care of them then they most certainly are.
This is one thing that bugs me. Adoptive parents often beat themselves up because they wonder if their child would be better off with their biological family, or feel guilty because they perceive their child was given up due to poverty, treatable sickness, or hardship. The fact is, most of those are true. Most of these children probably were given up because of one of those factors and a smaller number probably have two deceased parents. Does it matter?
Here's the thing: We, as adoptive parents, did not create our children's situation. We did not twist anyone's arm to give up their child. By the time we came on the scene, the child was already in the orphanage....What are we to do then? Not respond because we don't like the reasons they were relinquished? Who are we, as Americans, who are warm and well-fed, to judge another for the decisions they make in situations we cannot begin to imagine?? Yes, of course it is sad that their parents and/or family had to make these heartbreaking decisions....I am not making light of that. But that is not the point here. The point is, we are called to respond to those in need, not to judge or decide if someone is in need because of worthy reasons.

4. In response to "most of these children are not true orphans", I also say this: If you adopted in the United States, most of those children also have a living parent. We don't think anything about that. Why are these children, who are born in a third world country, any less deserving of a family than these American children? The point is this: If these children do not have a loving family or a place to belong, they need us to step up and be that for them. Yes, it's sad that they were often given up due to desperate situations, but they were still given up and they still need us to love them and call them our own. If Christians would rise up and be the hands and feet of Jesus to the poverty stricken around the world in a real and tangible way, many of these families wouldn't be faced with the difficult decisions to give up their children.....but that's another post for another day. If you don't feel called to adopt, but want to fulfill the mandate to care for these children, then do just that. Find a way to connect with an organization or individuals making a difference for these poverty stricken families.....support them so they can keep their kids.

5. The last thing I want to say is that I found Ethiopia to be very conscious of doing right by these children and very careful in making sure that each child was an orphan and was in fact adoptable. During Elijah's referral and court period, there was actually a stop put on court dates for abandoned children because they were being sure that there was no corruption in the system. Many people do not pass thru court the first time because they want to see careful and complete documentation. Our agency, America World, is thorough and cautious in their process as well. I never had any doubts about the ethics or morality of our adoption.

It makes me sad that pieces like this come out and cast doubt in people's mind. There are so many children counting on us to make a difference for them, and some will be stopped because of one story on the evening news telling them the system is flawed. There were no highlights of the wonderful, honest agencies doing good, hard work on behalf of the children. There were no stories told of successful adoptions that had made a difference for families and for kids. I guess that doesn't make for interesting news.

Adoption Fears

In the last few weeks, Nathan and I have individually or together had the opportunity to talk to about 3 couples who are thinking about adoption. They've had many questions - some of the same ones we wrestled with ourselves - and it's caused me to think about some of them. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I wanted to put some of my thoughts down on paper. I figure if some are approaching us with questions, there might be others out there who are wondering the same things.

1. MONEY - How do you afford adoption?? This is probably concern #1 of many adoptive couples. I know it is what kept us from doing it sooner - How in the world do you come up with $25,000 (give or take)? Well, the answer is not the same for all of us. When we pursued adoption the first time, we literally had no idea where the money would come from. I mean, we had a little in savings, but that was spent at the beginning of the adoption and we had much more to come up with.....Our adoption was paid for in many ways. We used a tax refund, had a huge garage sale, sent out fundraising letters (we know some very generous people!), our kids sold coffee, and we worked a monthly payment into our budget that we sent to our agency each month to chip away at our fees. We also took out a home equity line of credit and did use some of that. We will be paying that off with part of our adoption tax credit that we will receive this year. So, that was us. Your plan may look very different......fundraisers, borrowing from family, applying for grants, cutting back in your spending, and taking advantage of the tax credit can all add up. Some may feel conflicted about going into debt for an adoption, but this is a child's life we are talking about. Would you borrow the same amount of money and make payments for a car?
If you have more questions about financial resources, I have a folder of resources from CHOSEN, our church's orphan care and adoption ministry, that I can send you. Just leave me a comment below. You can also go HERE to see a list of possible financial resources available.

2. Will I be able to love an adopted child like my own?? This was not ever a personal fear of mine because we had had children who were 'not our own' live with us for a time, and I can honestly say we loved those children as if they were our own. We had the benefit of experiencing this. It is a question I've heard more than once, though.
Adoption is a small example of the extravagant love God has for each of His children....the way he welcomes us into His family unconditionally and makes us His own. Adoption is God's idea. This is what I know: God will bless your adoption. Period. Now, that's not to say that you won't have problems with adjustment or bonding....that's not realistic. I certainly don't want to over simplify here, because families can and do struggle. But, over time (if not right at first), God will plant a love in your heart for that child....the same kind of love you have for your biological children, should you have them. We have four children, and I love no one of them any more than the rest. Elijah is as mine as Haley, Hayden, and Emma are. I feel that to my core. If this is your struggle, pray about it. And then I dare you to trust God and see if he doesn't do miraculous things in your heart. I dare you to love as extravagantly as He does. HERE is another post about the fear of loving a child as your own, from a dad's perspective.

3. How will my children be affected? You are right to consider your children, we certainly did. We talked and talked about the possible implications for them and what it might mean. What it came down to for us was this: We want our children to live out their faith, experience God's faithfulness, and not be afraid to do big things for God. We wanted to, as a family, not be afraid to step out and trust God to provide as we stepped out to do what we felt He was calling us to do. We wanted to pray about it as a family, experience the highs and lows together, and see God at work in our lives. We wanted to be in the middle of where He was moving, and be a part of it. We certainly didn't adopt for the reason of giving our children this experience, but I will tell you, it has been one of the greatest blessings. Our children know what it is to experience God's faithfulness and it has matured and grown them ten-fold.
You are right - your children will be affected, they will not be unchanged. All parts probably won't be easy, and a kid or two may get their nose bent out of joint. It's OK. Trust God to work it all for good in their lives....I know He certainly has in ours.
If you want to read another adoptive parent's point of view on how adoption has affected their children go HERE.

I know there are concerns here that I have not covered, but they seem to be the ones I am hearing right now. I may blog about another set of fears and questions another time....If you'd like me to address any other questions, or concerns, please leave a comment.
I will leave you with one last blog....she recently had two posts that really caught my eye. The first one is about excuses we all make as to why 'we could never adopt', and the second post is about the truth that our life really is not our own and how difficult that is to really grasp. I thought I would pass them on....thought provoking stuff.

Finally, if you are in the 'thinking' stage of adoption, or even just considering it, there is a great FREE conference you need to think about attending in Normal IL on Saturday, February 20. Looks like great info - go HERE to register!

Round Two

Well, it's official - we are in the process of adoption #2!! (I know this is old news for those closest to us, but we have yet to 'officially' announce it). We are so excited to be on this path again!

Even before we went to Ethiopia to bring Elijah home, we had talked about adopting again. In fact, we entertained and prayed about the possibility of bringing home 2 children at the same time when we adopted the first time. For whatever reason, we never felt a peace about doing that and those doors were not opened. Our decision to adopt again is a culmination of what is on our hearts and experiences we had in Ethiopia. We do not yet know exactly what our 'request' for a child will be....probably not an infant, and probably not a child too old. (is that vague enough for you??:) Ultimately, it doesn't matter what we think. We know God will bring us just the right child for our family.

So...we've applied to our agency again and be accepted to the Ethiopia program. We've started our home study and sent in our I-600a. (for those of you that don't speak adoptionese, this is a form you must file with immigration to bring an orphan into the country.) We know what we are in for this time, and I think that is mostly a good thing. We know better what to expect and a few things we can do to be proactive about our part of it. The funny thing, though, is that you really don't have any control in this process....but some of us like to pretend. :) We also have the benefit of looking at holding the result of an adoption every single day. We have a real, live reminder of the blessing that adoption is in the end....and that is a very good thing!