It's not an easy lesson to learn, and apparently I'm a slow learner.   But I think I'm getting it...bit by bit. 

We are waiting for more paperwork in order to bring Samuel home.   When they told us it would be 3 months after court before we would probably return to bring him home, I didn't believe them.  My heart couldn't imagine waiting 3 months after holding him in my arms before we would be reunited.   It was a self preservation technique, I think.  Either that or a sanity preservation technique (and the jury may be out on that one anyway!)   

Three months is a long time to wait after meeting your child.  I know some of you have waited longer and others are wondering what the big deal is.   Just take my word for it - it's HARD.

So, as we've waited for this paperwork to be processed, I have put these timelines - MY timelines - on when I think things need to be done.   I've figured out in my head a hundred times what needs to happen when, when someone will do their part of the process, what that means for the next step, and ultimately when we will be able to travel.   I'm trying to CONTROL something that's out of my control.   I am creating my own stress because I am imposing my own plans and trying to control what is out of my control.  

When will I learn?  When will I stop thinking that my timeline is better?

So, today as I was processing all of this, I realized that a lot of my panic and stress is caused by my own fear that this isn't happening in time to fit my time line.  My own expectations are not to be.   I don't know about you, but that's never my favorite revelation.  

Here's the reality:  Samuel is still ours.  He's still coming home.   He will still be there if we get there a few weeks later.   AND he's not waiting for us...he's not sitting in anticipation watching the transition home gates for us to come driving through.   Somehow, all of that has brought me peace.

I know God is in control.  I know it's all in his timing...although please don't say that to me right now. :)   I am re-learning to surrender it all.  And I'll probably have to surrender it all again tomorrow.  

WARNING: Whining

This is the blog post I wasn't going to write.  You know the one...the whiny adoptive-mom-in-waiting who writes an entire blog post about how she just wants her child home.  I mean, didn't she KNOW she was going to wait?  Didn't she KNOW this was part of the deal?   If you sign up for it, you have no right to whine about it....right??

But here it goes - in my whiniest voice ever:  I'm TIRED of waiting and I want Samuel to come home!!

This is hard, friends.   Yes, I've been through it before.  Yes, I knew we were going to have to wait to bring him home.   And no, my prior adoption experience does not make the waiting any easier.    You see, this is personal now.   It's not about a schedule or some sort of prescribed waiting time. This is about my boy.  My boy 8000 miles away who is real, who I've held, who I had to say good-bye to almost 2 months ago.   I'm tired of walking by his bedroom (door closed for my sanity) and wishing he were there.   I'm tired of trying to keep myself distracted with holidays and kids' activities so I don't have to think about how he's missing.  I'm just weary of it all.

For those of you who have asked about an update...well, there is not much of an update right now.    We are waiting on all of Samuel's documents and medical forms to be prepared so that his case can be submitted to Embassy.   Then...you guessed it...more waiting.   We will wait for the Embassy to clear his case, at which point we can be scheduled for an Embassy appointment and go to Ethiopia to BRING HIM HOME!

So, there it is - I just had to get it off my chest.   Don't worry - if you run into me in public I can probably keep it together - but we would very much appreciate your prayers for things to speed along.   We love him, and ready for some good news and progress!   We know that God's got it all under control and knows exactly the day Samuel will come home.   We are trusting in that, but the waiting still stinks.

We'll keep you updated when we hear of the next step!

"If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
    for it will surely take place.
    It will not be delayed."
Habakkuk 2:3