We have had what in the adoption world would be seen as a relatively 'easy' time with adjustment since our three new ones came home. They are adjusting better than we expected and we don't have any major issues....no uncontrollable crying, no night terrors or sleeping problems, no major food issues, and no serious acting out from any of them. They are learning English well and the little girls have learned much in preparation for school. I was prepared for much harder, and we have been pleasantly surprised. So, for those adoptive parents who've read every book, you know that our journey would be considered 'easy'.
But I'm here to be honest today. While things are going well, this isn't easy. It's just not. Adding three people to your family at once with their own histories, personalities, and habits isn't easy. Inviting their grief and loss into your home isn't easy. Having seven kids isn't easy. Trying to be enough for everyone in your family isn't easy. Most of the time it leaves me feeling as though I'm not enough for anyone.
Add in the dynamics of relationships - new and old - in a family of nine, 5 billion doctor appointments, a slight bit of panic (from mom only) about being sure the girls are learning everything they need to, and the constant nagging feeling that someone isn't getting what they need....and what you get is one exhausted mama. That would be me.
We have lots of good days, and I haven't blogged more about the hard because I want to honor my children. I don't want anyone making inaccurate assumptions about how we feel about them, or that we've bitten off more than we could chew. We love our children and are so glad they are here. But, the very desire to do better for them out of my love for them makes it harder...I want to be a good mother to them. I want to honor God in what he's asked me to do.
Good thing God's grace is bigger than my mind can imagine...and his love for me is true - not the lies of unworthiness I struggle with on hard days. He is bigger, and he is good. And today, I'm thanking him for both the easy AND the hard...and trusting him through it all. I'm choosing to believe that he can use it all for my good.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
6 comments:
I think moms in general often feel as if they fall short, but add adoption to the mix and it seems to step it up a notch. There is no shortage of mom guilt around here that is for sure! But... God's grace is bigger. Amen.
Thanks for your honesty. I totally agree with Renee. I fight feeling guilty all the time over my shortcomings as a mother! A wiser friend who raised six kids told me that in the end, they will know they are loved and that is enough. Amen to that!
Kudos to you for the honesty. This is what I think pre-adoptive and adoptive families really need to hear. Melissa
I second Renee - mom guilt in this house as well and I only have 3. I am sure your day is loaded with pressures but just know that what I see is a wonderful mom who is doing an AMAZING job with all the blessings that God has given her! Hugs!
Thank you so much for your honesty. I feel that sometimes we want to give the appearance that life is just perfect so there isn't a negative reflection on us as mothers. My husband and I, along with our three children have just begun the adventure of Ethiopian adoption. I am excited to have the link to your blog! Praying for your beautiful family!
I work at Carle and recently met Nathan, which I think was a God thing. My husband and I have always planned for adoption and feel it is a calling for us. We only have 2 young biological children at this point, and I'm already feeling like this post now! It was a wonderful reminder that others feel the same way and that God can supply beyond what I can accomplish on my own. Thank you!
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