We have had what in the adoption world would be seen as a relatively 'easy' time with adjustment since our three new ones came home. They are adjusting better than we expected and we don't have any major issues....no uncontrollable crying, no night terrors or sleeping problems, no major food issues, and no serious acting out from any of them. They are learning English well and the little girls have learned much in preparation for school. I was prepared for much harder, and we have been pleasantly surprised. So, for those adoptive parents who've read every book, you know that our journey would be considered 'easy'.
But I'm here to be honest today. While things are going well, this isn't easy. It's just not. Adding three people to your family at once with their own histories, personalities, and habits isn't easy. Inviting their grief and loss into your home isn't easy. Having seven kids isn't easy. Trying to be enough for everyone in your family isn't easy. Most of the time it leaves me feeling as though I'm not enough for anyone.
Add in the dynamics of relationships - new and old - in a family of nine, 5 billion doctor appointments, a slight bit of panic (from mom only) about being sure the girls are learning everything they need to, and the constant nagging feeling that someone isn't getting what they need....and what you get is one exhausted mama. That would be me.
We have lots of good days, and I haven't blogged more about the hard because I want to honor my children. I don't want anyone making inaccurate assumptions about how we feel about them, or that we've bitten off more than we could chew. We love our children and are so glad they are here. But, the very desire to do better for them out of my love for them makes it harder...I want to be a good mother to them. I want to honor God in what he's asked me to do.
Good thing God's grace is bigger than my mind can imagine...and his love for me is true - not the lies of unworthiness I struggle with on hard days. He is bigger, and he is good. And today, I'm thanking him for both the easy AND the hard...and trusting him through it all. I'm choosing to believe that he can use it all for my good.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.
2 Corinthians 12:9