When they first called, I was a bit surprised at the late date, as we were hoping for earlier. While it is hard to wait to meet and hold our kids, this date actually works well for our family....Our kids are all going, and now they won't miss any school. Our oldest will be done with finals, and we will spend a Christmas they will never forget in Africa! We've booked flights and will be leaving on Friday, December 17! We're so excited!
We are fortunate to have had a very sweet family deliver care packages to our kids this week - we are so grateful for the opportunity to send them something...we sent many pictures of our family and home hoping that God will somehow use these things to help make us familiar to them in some small way. We know they can't possibly understand all that is happening or will happen. That's hard. We also sent an outfit for each of them, dolls and candy for the girls, and a toy for the little guy.
It's funny the mixture of emotions it brought to hear another family had spent time with my kids. The first emotion was excitement, and overwhelming gratitude. It felt so good to know that another family had seen them and spent time with them. But, if I'm honest, it also brought some hard emotions. They described S*l*m*n as being unsure and nervous, and while that is a typical reaction of a small child who does not know you, it broke a piece of my heart. You see, he's feeling unsure and I'm not there to comfort him....and in the time until I can bring him home, he will have many moments where he just needs his mama - and I. won't. be there. And the kicker is, he will be unsure of me, too. He's not waiting for me to come get him, and we're going to rock his world. The girls', too. Yes, yes, I know that this is good in the long run....but can you imagine? Can you imagine what they must think? or what they will think when their entire world changes.....again. As I thought about Grace, Aleigha, and S*l*m*n that afternoon, the tears came....and came. I don't want to hear about them in reports from someone else....I want to hold them. I want to be the one who is there. So, I had a mini tantrum....and then I gave it back to God....again.
I know all of the things that you could tell me....God will bring them home in His perfect time...God is with them when I can't be.....this is God's plan, etc. And I believe all of it - I do. But sometimes, I just have to have a tantrum. I must look a little like Elijah does when he throws himself to the ground and screams and cries because he doesn't get his way. Good thing God is patient and understands my heart.
I know that God is using this emotion - the concern, the longing, and the grief to weave these precious children into my heart. And so, I am grateful for even the hard days. He is good and is moving to bring them home. So, we are thanking him for news of a court date, and anxiously awaiting the day when we will hold our kids!
"Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise."