What have we been up to...?

Whew....time sure can get away from you, and before you know it, it's been weeks since you've updated the blog! Below are a few pictures of what we've been up to, so I thought I'd share those....you'll notice that my big kids are not represented below - that's for a couple of reasons...first off, they are at school during the day when many of these are taken...and second, they've gotten pretty good at avoiding the camera lens. :)

Do you see anything wrong with this picture...?

We've been working with the girls on recognizing and writing letters, and writing their names. We're so proud of what they've learned so far!

Grace gives her name a try, too! Good job, girls!

Solomon cracks us up - he loves this bicycle helmet! When we go outside he often insists on wearing it. It's not standard procedure around here to wear helmets for a stroller ride, but I thought this was pretty cute!

We're wishing for warmer weather...Grace tries on her swim suit!

One day over spring break, the older girls got bored and decided to give their little brothers a make over...I know there is something not quite right about this, but they're still pretty cute!

Solomon tries on Daddy's shoes...he was so proud.

The girls got new bikes and LOVE to ride them!

Grace asks to go outside to ride several times a day.

So, that's us...busy AND blessed!

Brave

When I look at my children's faces, it is hard for me to imagine all they have been through...all they have lost...all they have seen in their short lives. When I think of the changes they've endured, I can hardly imagine enduring them myself. Loss of family, loss of relationship, loss of security, of language, culture, custom, and all that is familiar. Can you imagine? I honestly can't.


These sweet babies have not only endured, but handled it all so well. They are learning their third language (they spoke another language at home before being transferred to the Transition Home where they spoke Amharic). They were brought home by virtual strangers they had only seen pictures of before. They were taken to new places, had new experiences, were given new foods and brought home to a place where everything was foreign. Literally.

During all of these transitions, they have been so brave. I have no doubt that they have been afraid at times - especially at first. I have no doubt they have wondered what is going on at times as they adjust to our new routines. But they have done so well. I almost can't believe it. No, every day is not a fairy tale, and sure, we have our challenges. I'm sure hard days will come and questions will be asked. I'm not living in a dream world over here. However, given all that has happened in these kids' lives in the last year, I am so proud of how they've coped. So proud of how they have handled the change.


God is good. I am thankful every day that he continues to do the work of making us a family. Please continue to pray for our kids as they transition and adjust, and pray that God will strengthen relationships and bonds with them. I am inspired by their bravery, and in awe of our God who is responsible for it all.

"LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done wonderful things,
things planned long ago."

Isaiah 25:1

I Remember

Even as I write this post, I am uncertain if this story is for your eyes. This part of my life is one of the most painful, vulnerable parts, and I've never really shared in a public way like this. This writing is therapeutic for me, a part of my healing I think. This post has nothing to do with adoption, but has everything to do with my family. God has taught me his greatest lessons through the conceiving, birthing, adopting, and raising of my children. This story is among those that have had the greatest impact on my life.

Fourteen years ago, God gave Nathan and I the great blessing of identical twin baby boys....Nathanael and Hayden. I am humbled at how he chose to trust us with their lives, and use us to be part of their story. These precious boys were born at 7:35 and 7:37 pm on March 19, 1997. Their birth was 10 weeks early and they were both tiny little things. Upon their arrival, Nathanael had already left us...he had gone home to be with Jesus. He weighed just 2 lbs. 2 oz. Hayden arrived shortly after, weighing in at 2 lbs. 10 oz. I remember lying still during the C-section, waiting and willing him to cry...knowing that if he did it was a good sign. He did make a small sound, and I breathed a sigh of relief and said a prayer that God would protect this tiny child.

I don't speak openly of this story often for many reasons. The first being that it's just too painful. It's too hard to verbalize this kind of loss and how it still takes my breath away 14 years later. It's too hard to watch people's unsure reactions, and their own discomfort as they search for how to react. But also, in large part, because it has seemed unfair to Hayden to share this story about his birth. Like somehow it takes from the joy of his day to also speak of the great loss that occurred simultaneously. March 19 is a bittersweet day. One that never leaves me feeling myself. A day of great loss, yes, but also a day of great celebrating. As the years go by, the loss becomes less raw, and maybe that's what is moving me to talk about it. The loss isn't less real, but certainly not as fresh as it once was.

We are beyond grateful that God spared Hayden that day. Because of the circumstances that surrounded his birth, we were told by the neonatologist that we were fortunate he had survived, and there was a good chance he'd been in shock and would suffer with cerebral palsy. It was a scary time, and I continued to watch his development for years to come, waiting to find evidence of his early birth and slow development. I am grateful to report that Hayden is and always has been healthy. Praise God.

As I remember back fourteen years, it's amazing at how it all rushes back if I allow myself to reminisce for long. I remember the emotions, the smells, and the sight of our sweet boys. I remember the days following and not knowing how to feel or even where to be most of the time - with Haley at home, with Hayden at the hospital, or grieving the profound loss we were experiencing. It was confusing and overwhelming. I remember getting up in the night to call the night nurse to see if Hayden had gained even a few grams of weight. I remember the many, many people who came to help - bringing us a meal or sitting at our house while Haley slept so we could be at the hospital. I remember the cards and the prayers, and will never again underestimate what those things can mean to someone else. Years later, I still remember Nathanael by occasionally bringing out the few things we have to remember him by - a blanket, an outfit, pictures, and a book of thoughts and memories. I close my eyes and remember those few moments we had with him.

But most of all I remember this - God shows up. He shows up when you are hurting. He shows up when you are overwhelmed and aren't sure things will ever feel normal again. He meets you where you are and walks you through the valleys. I remember sharing with a friend a few years after the boys' birth that the greatest blessing of this experience was that I knew what it was to be truly carried by God. And years later, I would agree. God used this joy and loss for my good. He used it to teach me to trust him in a deeper way. He used it to grow my faith and prepare me for his plan for my life. And for that I am grateful.

During this experience, I found this verse and it became the verse I clung to:

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
Lamentations 3:32

His love IS unfailing. It was through this experience that God made this real to me. Of course, I would have never chosen this part of the path for my life, and yet I know it was an important one. So, today, we celebrate our boys. We thank God that he allowed us to raise Hayden in our home, and look forward to being in heaven with Nathanael one day. We praise him for the lessons learned and his presence in our lives. And we remember that through it all his love is real and will not fail us, in joy or sorrow.

Happy Birthday, Hayden!
We love you!

Hits Me at the Strangest Times

Some days we are so busy, I don't really stop and take the time to evaluate how we're all doing. Now, of course, I know who has immediate needs, who has 'owies', who is crying, who is squabbling with a sibling, etc. But I mean how we are really doing. How we are coming together as a family.

Yesterday, I was reading a blog post by a sweet family who just made their first trip to Ethiopia to meet their three new children. The mom was describing leaving her new children on the last visit of that trip, and her son's final good-bye (who we met, and is precious!). You can read that post HERE. The image of this mother leaving her kids in Ethiopia....and of us leaving our kids at the Transition Home to come home without them brought tears to my eyes. My heart was so pierced at the thought of being separated from my kids.

Then, it hit me. It hit me that while it was difficult for me to leave my children between trips for a time back in December, how much harder it would even be now. You see, it's happening. God is weaving us together as a family. God is teaching us how to love these kids, and teaching them how to trust us. He is revealing things to us about one another. No, everything revealed isn't lollipops and roses...but it's real. I won't tell you that 'we've arrived' - that the weaving is complete, and that we have it all figured out. A month into this, we have a long way to go. But, I'm grateful that as we learn and grow as a family, God is in charge of the weaving. Thanks be to him!

In the interest of keepin' it real...

Sooo...my last post was about how we are doing...and the verdict is that we're doing pretty well. Before I dive into this next post, let me reassure you that we still are - overall - doing well. However, I feel like it would be a disservice to 'dress it up' and not also share some of the hard things. Today was a day, and so some of the hard things are fresh in my mind.

• Appointments. I'm sick of them. I don't want to take another kid to the doctor - like ever. Bringing home three new ones at a time = much time at the clinic. (We'll be there the next two days, though, so my wish is not to be granted).
• Collecting poop. That's probably all I really need to say about that.
• Learning to manage the day to day life with 3 new ones (and 1 'old' young one) who need a lot of you.
• Feeling torn - torn between my daily life, meeting the needs of little ones, running a household, my hubby, and 3 big kids who I still want to spend time with. Sometimes feeling like I'm not doing any of it well.
  
• Four children in carseats....time consuming and tedious.
• Forgetfulness - I'm not sure I'll ever remember anything again - my memory wasn't good to start with!
• Time outs, spills, kids not sharing, and all other, umm....'joys'...that come from having little ones.

It may sound as though I'm whining...and well, maybe I am a little bit. I'm allowed every now and then...right?? (OK, so I'm really not, but sometimes I do it anyway.) In all honesty, we are doing well - some days are just hard with four little ones. Doesn't seem like it's fair to portray it any other way. Tomorrow is a new day - and I'm actually looking forward to it. Better get to bed and rest up though - it promises not to be boring with this crew!

So how are we doing...really??

Here we all are, ready for our first trip to church. Not an award winning photo, but we're all in it, and we're all looking the right direction!

We've been home for almost 2 weeks now, and I find my curious friends wondering just exactly how is it going? What does the day to day look like...are we overwhelmed...are we sleeping, etc. Well, the short answer is we really are doing well. Much better than I expected. I mean, I was hoping we weren't going to be a total wreck all of the time, but I had prepared myself for our share of bumps in the road.

We have found ourselves in a day to day routine that is predictable and seems to be working for us. (For those of you bored by the mundane, you can skip this post. :) Solomon is the first to rise (wish Teenage Baby could teach him to sleep in), usually around 6. I shower before the rest of the crew is up, and at 6:30, I allow the girls to get up. They are awake before this, but they know to stay in their room until I come to get them...usually they are making their beds and folding blankets when I go into get them. (They have been taught to make beds and fold their pajamas at the end of the bed when they get up...I'm considering having them hold a class on how to do this for my other kids!) They dress into the clothes we put out the night before, and head downstairs for breakfast or to play until it's ready. (Or follow one of us around, which happens often as well). I dress Solomon, and either take him downstairs or a big kid takes him for us. I'd love to tell you that I'm now making a wonderful, hot breakfast, but the reality is, that just ain't happening. My big kids have been amazing to help with the kids and their breakfast, they all pitch in to be sure everyone is fed. Then, it's off in our big van to take the big kids to school.

Our mornings are spent in a variety of ways...playing at home, maybe running an errand (yes, I've taken them all the grocery store!), doctor appointments, and even spending a morning at our church's indoor playground. The time passes quickly, we have an early lunch, and the boys nap by 12:30 to be up in time to pick the big kids up from school. The girls have been having some quiet time with books or resting in their room in the afternoon. (I may need this more than they do, but we are doing it nonetheless!) Around 2:30 or 2:40ish we leave to go pick the big kids up from school and then come home for a snack and playtime. We spend playtime playing play-dough, reading stories, playing 'letter games' on the computer, and recently jumping on the trampoline and going outside. Then, it's dinner, family time, and a bedtime routine.

Aleigha and Grace busy working!

Grace is eager to please and eager to learn. She is concerned with her younger siblings, and a natural caretaker. We are working towards letting her know that we will meet everyone's needs (she doesn't seem overly anxious about it, mostly eager to please), and we want her to relax and rest in the fact that her siblings aren't her responsibility. Grace has a sweet disposition, but is definitely able to let you know if she is unhappy about something. She tends towards the dramatic and expressive, and it will be interesting to watch this come to life as we get to know her better.

Aleigha is fun-loving and giggly most of the time....she often looks like she is on the verge of cracking up. She is usually quieter, but mostly just until she is comfortable in a situation. When the girls are playing or singing together (and there is no one new around), she's definitely out of her shell. She also is eager to learn and loves to sit and play a game (although there may or may not be a little cheating going on), color, and work on learning her letters. She tends to not be quite as serious about things as Grace, and loves to have a good time.

The girls are both picking up a little language, and it's fun to hear them try to use their words. We're glad they feel safe enough to try! You will often hear them walking around just repeating what they've learned. It goes a little something like this (in the cutest Ethiopian accent you can imagine): "Are you OK? I'm OK? How are you? Good. Fine. It's OK. Come. Are you OK? Yes. Good." and so on... They are so proud of their English words, and we are amazed at what they understand already!

Who could resist that smile and those eyes??

Sweet Solomon is definitely the baby of the family. He seems so young in comparison to Elijah's teenage ways. It's evident that he's spent his time with babies, and that his needs were well met. (He has no problem expressing them, and seems to expect that they will be met!) We love his giggles and smiles. He loves the be held and the boy can eat. He's had some 'intestinal issues', and we think his over interest in food comes from a combination of those issues, eating for comfort and security, and habits he's developed. We actually already see some improvement in this area, but he still loves to chow. He's a decent sleeper (does not get up in the night), although he gets up a little early for this needs-her-sleep mama. Elijah was not sure what to think about him at first, and was a little rough with Solomon. (He's just a rougher kid than Solomon anyway). That seems to be improving, and seems to view Solomon as a baby, and is learning to be a kinder, gentler version of himself.

So, that's us for now. Maybe not super exciting, but that's perfectly fine with me! We have a long way to go in truly getting to know each other, but we are enjoying the ride this far. We're so glad our kids are all home - what a blessing!

Move

As I sit in my living room this afternoon, my house is peaceful and I have a few moments to think. The 3 bigs are in school, the little boys are sleeping, and I have two girls coloring at my feet. As I sit and reflect, and watch these girls in my home, I am overcome. Overcome with gratitude that God brought these children into my home. Overcome that despite my many flaws and shortcomings, he saw fit to use me in their story and become their mama. How on earth did I ever get so blessed?

I also can't help but reflect on the many children left behind. (You knew this post was coming, right? The 'how can I leave them behind' post? The 'why aren't we doing more' post? It comes every time the images are raw from our travel to Ethiopia.) I can't shake it. I can't get them out of my mind. Five million orphans in Ethiopia alone. And I ask the question once again - where is everyone? Why aren't we doing more? Why is this OK with us? Why is it OK for us to be moved by a story, become teary during a video or song, and then move on with our lives?

This post is not about judgment. It's not about judging you or what you are or aren't doing...it's just a question that haunts me, and confuses me. Here's the thing - I don't care whether you adopt from Ethiopia or not...I just want for the body of Christ to be enough for these children. I want everyone...you...me... to be doing something. Something to care for these vulnerable children and orphans...and here's the clincher: So does God. He commands us to care for the orphan. I don't know what each person's role will be... but I do know this - God has a role for each one. He has a role for you. He has a role for me. We are all to play a part. It's not enough to feel compassion towards the cause or weep at a gotcha day video...God wants us to move. And if this were your child, you would want someone else to move on their behalf, too. These children are waiting on our obedience. For us to move in the way he has already commanded. Their futures depend on it.

"But Samuel replied, "What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Obedience is far better than sacrifice. Listening to him is much better than offering the fat of rams."

1 Samuel 15:22

HOME

Well, since I've blogged, we've traveled approximately 16,000 miles half-way around the world to bring our kiddos home. As you can imagine, time has slipped away, and I haven't been the good blogger I intended to be! We are HOME now, which is a wonderful thing to say. We always love our time in Ethiopia, but nothing is sweeter than home.

The kids traveled like champs and are doing so well at home. Things are going much more smoothly than I had prepared myself for....we've truly been blessed by sweet kids. They are affectionate and loving, and try their best to go with the flow and do what is expected. We are loving getting to know them better. There are, of course, hard things, but all of it is to be expected. The language barrier is our biggest challenge, and it's just hard to parent children when they don't understand what you are explaining....or they can't tell you why they are upset. These are obviously things we knew going into this, and will get better with time. Sleep is another issue we know will resolve itself over time.

I will post more about our transition in time (I think - if I ever have any time!), but for now, enjoy the pics of our sweet kids!

Aleigha and Grace...got all dressed up to go to Hayden's b-ball game...so sweet!

Elijah cheesing it up with Solomon....if Solomon looks a little nervous, it's for good reason....

Hold still...this will only hurt for a minute!

Grace, enjoying a beautiful day at a park in Addis Ababa.

Sweet Solomon.

Aleigha...pretty girl.

We are so blessed to call these children our own.
To God be the glory!

Never The Same

It's here...it's here!! The time has come for us to bring our children HOME. I can hardly believe it as I type these words! You know how sometimes you plan for something for so long that it doesn't feel real? At times, that's exactly how this felt. But, as I pack their little backpacks, and their clothes in the suitcase - it hits me. Things will never be the same.

We are no longer the Garrison 6. We are now the Garrison 9! Three children are no longer orphans, but that have a mommy, a daddy, and four new siblings waiting for them. They have a home. A family. Our at-home children are watching God redeem three precious lives before their eyes....no,things will never be the same....and that is good.

Yes, we'll have more laundry, more mess, and more noise. But, we'll also have more hugs, more love, and more blessings. As I write this post and ponder that this day really is here, my heart fills with gratitude. Gratitude that God would see fit to use our family as a part of his redemptive act. I don't understand his grace, but it is good.

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."
John 1:16

WOO HOO!!!!

We were cleared by the embassy for travel yesterday!!! We were shocked, since we were only submitted last Wednesday. Shocked, but of course, thrilled! They gave us our choice of days next week to appear at the embassy (in Ethiopia) and so....we'll be on our way SOON!

Our plan is for Nathan, Haley and I to fly out of Indy on Saturday afternoon, spend the night in DC, and then take a direct flight from DC to Addis on Sunday (arriving on Monday morning). So, in less than ONE WEEK, I will have have these babies in my arms!! We should be home next Saturday (the 19th). (That feels so good to say!!) All of my children under ONE roof!

We would appreciate your prayers for safe travel, health (no altitude sickness - yuck!), and most importantly for our kids' hearts as their world is about to change...pray that they won't be afraid, and that their little hearts will be able to endure the transition.

So, it's an exciting time around the Garrison household! We are grateful to be at this point, and so close to bringing our children HOME!


Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness!

Psalm 150:1,2

Emotionally Schizophrenic

OK, so that's probably not really an actual term....and hopefully it's not insensitive, but that describes a bit of how I feel lately. I am all over the place with my emotions, and honestly, without even 'cleaning it up' for blogland, I can say that overall I have a sense of peace about the upcoming changes to our family. It's just that....well....it's big.

I am at peace...and yet I am anxious.

I am confident...and yet I am afraid.

I am excited...and yet I flinch at the changes to come.

I'm attempting to surrender my life...and yet I am selfish.

I am not in control...and yet I try to be.
(Believe me, I've tried this one...not only is it impossible, it's painful to try)

I want you all to understand - this fluctuation of emotions has nothing to do with my desire to be these children's mommy. It's just real. Most of the time, we just focus on the 'I'm so excited to bring my kids home' emotions. But there are also the 'what are we doing to our life' emotions to contend with. The truth is, we are changing everything about our lives. There are many things I am excited for...so many firsts, so many new experiences with our kids, watching them learn and grow, and even comforting their little hearts. However, the unknown is scary and surrender sometimes means letting go of all that is comfortable. Selfishness creeps in and I think of the ways my life will change.

So, I'm busy sorting out my emotions, packing my bags, and praying for embassy clearance. Because I do want my kids to come home. I miss them and want them here - even if it's hard. The emotions, I know are normal. And probably even good. And I know that God will see us through the hard days and bring blessing we can't imagine through it all.

Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1

All Good News

We got an update on our kids this week! They are all doing well, and we are so fortunate that they've been healthy. They are reportedly looking forward to our arrival to bring them home! We, too, are looking forward to that day! Here are a few little tidbits about them from our updates:

Grace: Fast learner with a good attention span, caring, happy, and sometimes quiet.

Aleigha: Confident, happy, relaxed, and 'so loving in her personality'.

Solomon: Cheerful, big smiles, happy, imitates others, and good physical development.

In other good news, our paperwork was submitted to the US Embassy this week!!! This is huge, because it's the last hurdle before we can bring our kids home. We are waiting on their approval of the case, and we will travel right away! We hope to hear of our approval by next Friday! We'll keep you posted!!

Preparing, Waiting....and More Waiting

I keep thinking I'm going to update the blog when I have some definite news! While that hasn't happened (getting definite news, that is)....I thought I would check in and let you know what we've been up to.

We are currently waiting on all of our paperwork to be completed (come on, M*WA!) so that we can be submitted to the US Embassy for clearance (meaning they've checked out all of paperwork and say that everything looks good to issue our kids' visas). We are hoping and praying that all will be in place so that we can be submitted this Wednesday. (Would you pray for that, please??) If that happens, we will then be - you guessed it - waiting again to be cleared by the embassy. They tell us they will let our agency know when/if we are cleared 7-10 days after submission. Here's the good part....it's seeming that when you are cleared by the embassy to travel, you can pretty much come right away...have an appointment possibly the next week, get your kids' visas, and bring them home!!

So, it's kind of difficult to plan for a trip when you don't know when you'll be going. We are preparing and planning for the earliest possible date we think it could be, while trying to prepare our hearts that we may have to wait longer. It's not an easy task.

We are keeping busy around here organizing and planning for our kids to come home...we've done some work in the basement and are creating a play area for the kids. I'm working on some things I've needed to get done, and know I won't for a while once Grace, Aleigha, and Solomon come home. There is no way I'll get to all of them, but I'm enjoying the motivation I have to at least accomplish a few things on my list!

I'm afraid this is a bit of a boring post. We'd love to have big announcements, plane tickets purchased, and be jetting off to get our kids. For now, I'm focusing on enjoying our life at home...the last days of being a family of six. Things will never be the same again, and although we are excited about the change, there is something sweet about these days, too.

PLEASE WATCH

Wow. I've seen this video once before and....well, WOW. Please watch....it is only 8 minutes long, is so worth the watch.

"Remember, you call yourself my body. I'm not there, except through you. Your hands...those are my hands. Your feet....those are my feet. That heart...it's my heart. If it's not beating, my heart isn't beating on this earth anymore. I work through my body - I am a father to the fatherless through my body. I rescue the weak and the vulnerable through YOU. If you're not doing it, no one is."

SURPRISE!!!

We were beyond thrilled to get a surprise call that WE PASSED COURT today! We did not have a court date today, but somehow all of the pieces fell into place and we are so blessed!! Enjoy the pics of our kids....thanks to all who prayed!!!

OUR KIDS ARE COMING HOME!!!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Not what we wanted to report...

We did not pass court again today. Our MOWA letter still was not written and in our file, so the judge cannot pass us through. One paper separating us from our kids. (Although, unfortunately, there is actually more US embassy paperwork after this).

I realize what my reaction is supposed to be....'God has a plan...in his timing...trusting in him'. Well, I know those things are true, and I am trusting in him. (Thank goodness....how do people make it through things in their life without him???) I know he has the perfect time for our kids to come home and that things will happen in his time. But today, I don't want to talk about it. I'm just sad. My kids are on another continent and we are being kept apart by a piece of paper. All of this is delaying our bringing them home.

Sooo.....we wait for another court date. Hopefully the judge will assign it sometime this week and the date will be in the next week or so. Who knows. We'll keep you posted.

No news is....well, not good news

We heard from our agency today regarding court. The only problem was...there was nothing to tell. They still have not been able to get in to see the judge and see if our MOWA letter has been written. I guess the only good thing about this news was it was better than being told our letter definitely wasn't there and we had to wait for another court date.

As I understand it, there are two things that can happen from here:

• We could be called (hopefully later this week) and be told that our MOWA letter is in place and we have passed through court, or will very soon.
• OR - If our letter is not there, we will most likely be assigned another court date, and will wait to see if MOWA has our letter in place by then for us to pass. (Surely....right?)

That's it. We are hoping to know more this week, but there's really no news as of now. Hoping, praying, and crossing our fingers and toes (I know this is getting serious, right?) that we'll have good news and can post pictures of our kids later this week.

Stay tuned!

Happy Birthday, Teenage Baby!!

Happy Birthday to Elijah, my teenage baby!! As we celebrate his 14th....er, I mean 2nd birthday, I thought it would be fun to share some pictures from the past year (in no particular order!)

Did you need something??

Sending an email to my peeps.

What are you crying about? Big baby. (he says to his new little brother, S)

Who is up for playin' hoops? I just need to bring my blanky.

Yeah, I like chocolate....so what?

Need some help with that?

A day's work never ends...

The ladies love me.

Can't you see I'm busy?

We love you, Teenage Baby! You bring laughter and joy to our home every day and we are so blessed to call you ours!!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Elijah!!

Something Bigger than Me

About 7 years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom and found myself feeling discontent...not with my situation or material blessings, but with the feeling of wanting to do more with my life. I had no idea what that 'thing' might be at the time, but I began praying a prayer....I asked God to do something so big in my life...so big that others would realize that whatever it was could only be done through HIM, and not by myself alone. I had felt this urgency that God had something else for our lives, and I so wanted him to reveal his plan to me.

Fast forward to a year later...my 3 'big' kids were all old enough to be in school, and I went back to teaching at a Christian school. This was a good plan, and I was excited about it, but it still didn't feel like 'it', you know what I mean? I felt purposeful with my days, loved getting to know my students, and appreciated the opportunity to be at the same school my kids were at. It was a pretty good set up, really. I continued praying the same prayer, and wondered if I was just being discontent, or if there really was something else God had for me to do.

We started our first adoption journey in May 2008. At first, it honestly didn't occur to me that this might be a piece of the puzzle to the prayer I had prayed off and on for almost 5 years (I know, I'm a little slow, right?) As we took a step of faith to adopt from Ethiopia, it did feel...well, big. So many questions....what about my job...how will we pay for this...is it fair to our kids to ask them to give things up in order for us to adopt...how will this affect our family...and all of the 'what ifs' that come in an unknown situation. Over time, I did begin to feel like that was our ' big thing'.

And it was. But it was really only the first step in a bigger thing I could never have imagined at the time. (I was never going to be the woman with 7 kids....although I'm so glad I am!) And now that we are in our second adoption, waiting to bring THREE kids home....I will tell you - I know FOR SURE - that this is the big thing I asked God to do through me. This is what the discontent was about...He did have something for us to do, and it took 5 years of asking him to show me what it was - but this is it. And, I'm so grateful.

I still have discontent. I was speaking with a friend today about holy discontent. It's not the kind of discontent that comes from being unhappy with one's circumstances... (Are you kidding me - I just got home from Ethiopia!) I don't want the latest gadget, a new outfit, or a different house. I want to be used. Holy discontent is good, and I want to sit with it and let my heart be open to whatever God has next.

It feels good to have the answer to my prayer many years ago. But I also know it's not the only answer, and it's not the end. There is more for me to do, and I'm keeping my heart open for the next answer...whenever that may come.

Court Date #2....Not Happening

Court date #2 was scheduled for tomorrow, January 4. We received word today that it's a no-go. UGH. The judge (who hears all adoption cases in Ethiopia) has decided to take a vacation this week due to Ethiopian Christmas.

We are bummed to say the least... We've been told that our agency will check into whether or not MOWA had written the letter for our court case tomorrow. If it was written, our agency will try to push our court case through for approval without have to wait for another scheduled date. If our letter was not written, we will have to wait to be assigned another court date.

I guess I probably don't need to tell you that this is hard. So, I won't whine about it, because I'm guessing you can imagine. Please just pray for that letter to be in place and either for court approval next week or a speedy new date.

Thanks for walking this with us!

Hoping for Orphans in 2011

Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.

I have a confession to make. When we first started the adoption process the first time, I felt like my eyes had been opened and I realized something that surely everyone would see. I started this blog, feeling purposeful about wanting to educate others on what I was learning. I shared blog links, videos, stories, scripture, etc. and was just sure that God was going to move in mighty ways in the people around me. I just knew that when others saw these same things, they would be moved to adopt or care for orphans, too.

Things have not exactly happened the way that my mind imagined them. It has been hard to feel like we've made a difference at all. Over time, I've felt pointless in posting things I've found about the orphan, because, well.... it just feels redundant and like maybe no one is listening.

I don't make New Year's resolutions... they generally don't last and are made in an emotional moment of wishing for change. However, I am going to refresh my sense of purpose for the orphan. I don't know if anyone is listening, or will appreciate the things that I post. But....after much soul searching on this topic, I've come to realize (again), that that part isn't my job. I can't control how others respond or how God will work in their hearts. I can, however, be a voice for the orphan. I can continue to tell their stories and help us all not to forget.

I am praying that God will do amazing things in 2011 for the orphan. I am praying that some of you who are reading this right now will be moved to adopt at least one orphan and give them a home. I am praying that God, who tells us he is the defender of the orphan, will move on their behalf....but I also know that it is through you and I that God will move. His scripture is clear about caring for the orphan. He commands us to do it. No, that doesn't mean all should adopt...for some he has other plans. However, for some of you it does. You'll have to sort that out yourself.

So, here is hoping for the orphan in 2011. May we all ask God (I mean, really ask him) what it is he has for us to do. And may we listen when we hear him.

"The helpless put their trust in You. You are the defender of orphans Lord; You know the hopes of the helpless. Surely You will listen to their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so people can no longer terrify them.”
Psalm 10:17-18

Home, Court Date #2, and Wrestling

We're home! We arrived home on Tuesday evening after an exhausting, but uneventful trip home. While we were all a bit sad to leave Ethiopia, we were glad to be home. I missed iced tea, salads, hot baths, and my bed. :) It felt good to come home and enjoy them all!

Now, though, I am missing something much more important....my kids. It was hard to leave them on the last day, and now that we are home it's hard to have them on a different continent. Our next court date is this Tuesday (January 4), and we would appreciate your prayers that our MOWA letter will be there so we can pass court!! The next step after that is for all of our paperwork to be submitted to the US Embassy and be assigned an embassy appointment...that is when we go get our kids!

I am currently sitting in that hard place of having just come home and seen some hard things with my own eyes. I felt the same way when we came home from Ethiopia the first time....and I know many others have experienced this after mission trips. It's hard to know exactly what to do with how I feel....I have seen children who need families - I have hugged them, spent time with them, and watched my kids interact with them. I have this overwhelming desire to make people aware - to make people want to take action and be part of the solution for them....to impart urgency on others so they will act. I want others to realize that these kids are real. However, I know that the risk in attempting this is to sound preachy, righteous, or judgmental, and that is not my heart - it does not bring glory to God, or move others to action (that is His job anyway). In the end, it does not help these kids. So, I wrestle. I will pray that God will use our story in His own way to move others and I will keep my eyes on my own journey.

Once we pass court, I will be able to publicly share pictures of our new kids - hopefully next week! We'll be sure to keep you posted as soon as we know anything!

Update from Addis!

Greetings from Addis Ababa! Yes, we've been here a week and I've failed to update my blog...we just haven't had time and I've had a difficult time getting into my email to post! So sorry!

We've had a great time this week. I was sick the first couple of days, but that subsided by Tuesday morning and we've all been great ever since. We met the kids on Sunday afternoon and have spent time with them every day, with the exception of one when we spent the day out in the country. The kids are awesome and we can't wait until we can bring them home! It's funny, we had preconceived ideas of what they might each be like (based upon agency updates, etc.) , and for the most part it's not what we've found. That's not good or bad, just interesting. :)

Grace loves to run, jump, play ball, and do anything active. She wants us to chase her, and sometimes I think is checking just to see if we will. She is excited to see us each day, but is also the first to withdraw. Being the oldest, she must remember the most and sometimes seems guarded. (She could also sometimes be bored with us, though, since we don't speak her language and we've 'used' all of our toys and tricks since we've been here!). Overall, she seems accepting of us and was excited when we showed her pictures of our house and her room.

Aleigha is an affectionate little thing. Super sweet, and the first to seek out attention from us. She is all smiles most of the time and is more content to sit and color or cuddle. She giggles as we play, and loves for us to hug, kiss, or tickle her. She responds well to her new name already and both girls love to play with our older kids.

S*l*m*n is a cutie! Huge eyes and a contagious giggle. I love seeing how attached he is to his nannies and the other kids - he lights up when he sees them. This is all a good sign for future attachment with him when we get home. Elijah loves him, but he is unsure of Elijah. The first day Elijah basically tackled all of the new kids with hugs, and I think it freaked S****** out a little bit. He 's warming up to him, but is still cautious when it comes to getting so close. :) We think they'll be fast friends, though, and they really are darling together.

As you may have heard, we did not pass court on Thursday. We were so disappointed, but not completely surprised. MOWA (Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs of Ethiopia) must submit a letter to court saying that everything is in order for your adoption. They have had a difficult time getting the letters to court on time, as was the case with us on Thursday...it is not a reflection of our particular case and we will get our letter eventually...it's just not ready yet. It's very frustrating, but we pray that we will get a new court date and our letter will be submitted soon. We don't want it to delay our next trip or when we can bring our children home. We'll keep you posted and appreciate the prayers!

Our other four kids are great!! The three biggest kids have been amazing with both the travel and the time spent with our kids and others at the orphanages and transitional home (where our kids are). Elijah has traveled better than we anticipated (even though the other fellow travelers have been introduced to his high pitched screaming)...please continue to pray that our flights home will go well, too!

The kids at the orphanages and especially older kids at the transitional home break your heart....such sweet kids that need homes. I was looking around at all of the kids and thinking about all of the families I knew who could take at least one into their home...we could wipe out the entire population of an orphanage....how cool would that be??!? I know everyone hasn't seen with their eyes what we've seen, but I wish everyone could. There would surely be more children with homes.

More updates and pictures later. We are flying out of Addis on late Monday night (late afternoon your time) and hope to be home by Tuesday night if all goes well. Thanks for following along and praying for our family!!

Wow - It's Here!!

Wow. Wow. Wow. It's here!! I guess we're really going to Ethiopia!!! The donations have been packed into 4 tubs and one bag, we each have a suitcase and one extra for 'miscellaneous'. It has struck me as we (well, I) have been packing how high maintenance we really are. It takes a lot of 'stuff' (aka crap) to keep this American family happy.....computers, cameras, portable DVD players, iPods, snacks, comfort items (different for each kid), medications, etc. It's a bit ridiculous. However, all 6 of us, and all of our stuff will be making our way to Chicago tomorrow to catch our flight out of here!! We fly out of O'Hare a little after 3 pm for our flight to Frankfurt. After a 4 hour layover, we board our final flight to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We will arrive Saturday evening ET time (they are 9 hours ahead of us).

We've had a few people ask how they can pray for us and we are more than happy to pass on our requests so that you call all be praying with us. These are more in the order of when they occur, not importance....

• Please pray for safety and health while we travel.
• ELIJAH - I joke that we'd like everyone to pray a 'period of silence' over him as we travel, but seriously....please pray that he will rest well on the plane and travel well. This is going to be a lot for him!
• For the time we will spend with our 3 new kids. We are so anxious to meet them and spend a little time with them each day. We are praying that God will use this time to weave our hearts together as a family. We also know that it will be very difficult to leave them since they don't come home this trip (BOOOO!!). Please pray that God will comfort their hearts and give them understanding that we are coming back (and that the time until we can go back will be short).
• COURT DATE - This is the reason for our trip.....Please, please pray that we will pass court the first time and that everything will be in place. (some of you may remember we did not pass the first time with Elijah). This is not a judgment on whether or not Nathan and I will be good parents (that was done in our homestudy), but a court date to be sure all of the paperwork, etc. has been done on the child's behalf.
  
• Please pray for a meeting we will have with their birth father. That is sure to be an emotional meeting, and we just want it to go well and to be able to get information from him that we can later share with our children. We would love it if you would just pray for him in general.
• For our 3 'big kids'. We are so proud of them and feel like God really wants to use this trip in their lives....to open their eyes, to soften their hearts, and see things thru His eyes. Please pray that this will be a meaningful trip for them.
• We are also praying that God will give us opportunities to be a blessing while we are in Ethiopia....in whatever way He puts in front of us. Pray that we will see those opportunities and know how to respond.
• Lastly, just that this would be a good time together for us as a family. Travel can sometimes be stressful, and we want to be able to enjoy our time together.

Thank you so much! I will do my best to update periodically from Ethiopia.....For those of you on Facebook, I remember that being a much easier way to post quick updates, so check there!
We appreciate all of you and thank you for your prayers in advance!!

Planning, Preparing, and Updates

Hellooo.....is anyone still out there??? Probably not, since it's been an entire month since I've updated (or even visited!) this blog. Much has been happening, and it's all good, just keeping me busy!

We leave for Ethiopia next Friday, December 17!! I can't believe it's coming up so quickly, but we have been slowly preparing and will be ready when the time comes. We've been collecting donations for the orphanages, and organizing all that is entailed with taking an international trip with six people! We are very much anticipating meeting Grace, Aleigha, and S*l*m*n (this is his given Ethiopian name, and I can't share it online until after we pass court....Grace and Aleigha are new American first names for the girls (that we have give them), so we can share those). Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the trip itself, but it's fun to think about the day we'll see them face to face.

We recently received updates on our kids, so I'll share what those have to say:

GRACE T********

Weight: 45.5 pounds
Height: 108 cm
Eating/health: She eats well. She is healthy.
Development/physical: She has excellent physical development appropriate to her age. She can perform different activities by herself.
Personality/Other Comments: She is content and happy. She has very good behavior. She is harmonious with all the children, and if others hit her or push her she will tell the caretakers. She never hits the children in response to being hit. She obey orders well.
How does she behave in school?
She is focused with a good attention span. She is moderately active and calm.
How does she act when new adults come around?
She is stable and if they approach her she becomes more comfortable.
Does she ever talk about getting a new family?
She has been told that she is getting a new family, and she asked about S*l*m*n too. And along with (Aleigha) B******* she almost always looks at her families’ photograph and has learned to say Mommy and Daddy.
Does she have good relationships with her caretakers? She has good relationships with all caretakers. She gives hugs and is attached depending on how close they are to her.


ALEIGHA B*******

Weight: 39.6 pounds
Height: 99 cm
Eating/Health: She eats well with a good appetite. She is healthy.
Development/Physical: She has progress in her physical development that is appropriate to her age. She can perform different physical activities well.
Personality/Other Comments: She is usually cheerful. Sometimes, she easily break into tears (if other children take her playing materials or hit her during play) and easily gets back to laughing if someone holds her close or if she gets verbal support.
How does she behave in school?
She is a moderate learner and she is becoming more focused.
How does she act when new adults come around?
She is stable, and she can understand the gesture to approach or not.
Does she ever talk about getting a new family?
When care package was sent, she was told that everything was sent from her new Mommy and Daddy. She is very happy and she looks at the family’s pictures often and says Mommy and Daddy.
Does she have good relationships with her caretakers?
She has a very good relationship with her caretakers and those whom she trusts she get along well with and gives hugs, etc.


S*L*M*N T*****

Weight: 24.2 pounds
Height: 75.5 cm
Head Circumference: 49 cm
Eating/health: He is good at taking food. He has been healthy this month.
Development/physical: He has shown progress in his physical development. He can repeat words. He can play well with tools, dolls, etc.
Personality/Other Comments: He is a very happy boy. He is comfortable with all caretakers and any strangers too.
Does he have a special nanny he is very attached to?
He doesn’t have a special nanny. He is attached well to all of them.
What kinds of toys does he like to play with?
He likes to play with most of the car toys. He plays also with all playing materials.
Does he sleep all night without eating in the night?
He will have a bottle fed to him at 4pm at night, and he sleeps all the night without eating, but sometimes if there is a need he may eat.
How does he act around new people?
He is very affectionate, active and likes be held close (hugged). He elicits activities to get attention.
Does he understand when the nannies talk to him? (does he follow directions, try to communicate, etc)? He understands when he called, and tries to call some of the nannies’ names. He can follow directions well.

We love hearing more about our kids, but there is no substitute for getting to know them ourselves. Hold on kids....we're coming SOON!

Why is it OK with us?

In the past week, we were made aware of some very difficult circumstances in an orphanage in Ethiopia. Families traveling with our adoption agency visited this orphanage while they were in Addis Ababa, and got the word to those of us traveling soon that there were needs and what we could bring to help them. This was the Facebook status of one of the moms traveling with the group:

"A hard start to our day. Visited an orphanage with deplorable conditions, and left in tears. Our group was able to buy 10 crib mattresses (yes, babies are sleeping on the wooden bottoms of the cribs). But they also need massive quantities of diapers...ripped pieces of sheets wrapped around their bottoms and held in place w/ their onesie t-shirts isn't cutting it."

Babies sleeping on the wooden bottoms of cribs, their clothing soiled, and who knows what else. Their caretakers are doing the best with what they have, but they just don't have the supplies or resources to take care of these children properly. This is poverty. It breaks my heart. I don't think you or I can imagine our own children living in these conditions, or how we would feel if they did.

So, why is this OK with us? I'm sure most of us would say it's not, but what are we doing about it?? You see, if we do nothing, it is OK with us. It is far enough removed from our real world that I think we don't allow ourselves to believe it's real. We tell ourselves that 'these kids don't know any different' or convince ourselves that they are somehow different than our own kids. Well....they're not. They are just like your kids, and they deserve better. They deserve to be well cared for, loved, and to have a family.

I know that we would never say that we think these kids deserve less, but we ignore the pleas for help and tell ourselves that we give to other things and have financial responsibilities that won't allow us to give. You don't have to give a lot - but give something. You don't have to do everything - but do something. Don't wait for someone else to do what God is asking you to do.

"When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow."
Deuteronomy 24:19-21